Casual Affair

I think we should go to an AA meeting

 I sat on the cold metal stool, with my guitar in hand and took a deep breath. As I strummed my guitar I just let the music flow out of me. I was in my own world. I was alone.

"Comparisons are easily done
Once you've had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed" The notes floated out of my mouth as easily as air would.

"You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know" I looked up quickly before looking back down at my guitar.

"Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes"

"You're like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I've had the best
You said there's
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test" I didn't realize one song could hold so much truth in it. As I sang I couldn't even really think. I wasn't thinking. I was just singing. I was speaking volumes without really even saying a word.

"He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself" At this moment, thoughts flooded in my head. Thoughts of this week. Thoughts of these past couple months. Thoughts of these past couple of years.

"Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes" Thoughts of Asher and Derek. Thoughts of our relationship. Thoughts of how good Asher and I were together. How we literally completed each other.

"You're the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson's learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know" Thoughts, especially, of our break-up. How much I regretted letting go of him so easily. Thought about how angry I was at him for giving up on us. How disappointed I was in both of us for not fighting. For not trying. For just letting it all go.

"Cause when I'm with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes" Thoughts of Derek. And these past couple months with him. How everything was perfect with us. How I had completely moved on from Asher. How we were good and we were happy. The Asher came in like a storm and destroyed everything in his path. I can't blame him for everything, can I? Derek has not been the best boyfriend lately. And me... well I'm a horrible girlfriend. I'm weak. I'm pathetic. I'm addicted...

"Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won't you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay" I'm addicted to him. To the way we used to be. To the way I feel when I'm around him. To how he makes me feel so special. So wanted. So needed. To his personality and his eyes and his love. I'm addicted to Asher.

I finished strumming. The room was silent. Suddenly I wasn't in my own little world anymore... and I definitely wasn't alone.

The applauding started. I looked up and my eyes instantly found his in the crowd. He wasn't clapping. He wasn't smiling or smirking. He wasn't even moving. He was still. I'm not sure if it was out of pure shock or what. He just sat there in silence returning my stare.

I couldn't move. I stopped thinking. My chest compressed. I needed to pull away from his stare but I couldn't.

"Lana..." I heard my teacher's voice and it pulled me out my haze, "you never cease to amaze me. Every week you get more and more talented. I can't see what the rest of the year has in store for you." Mr. Meyers said standing up.