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Chapter 58: Cale

I feel a tug on my shoulder and I slowly open my eyes, straining them because of the bright white lights blinding me.

Where am I?

Everything is so white, too white. Like innocence.

Then with a flash I remember everything that has happened up until now, my eyes dart open and I am fully awake. Gigi peers over me, trying to wake me up and I sit upright, panic in my eyes.

"Is everything alright? Is Maya okay? Is she awake?"

"Everything's fine. Maya is still asleep. They think she might be in a temporary comma and when she wakes up is uncertain."

The loud thumping against my chest calms down, slowing itself gradually. Gigi hands me a cup of coffee and I drink it, carefully making sure I don't burn myself. Gigi sits beside me, not looking at me but rather what's in front of her as I look do the same.

"Cale, I thought I started to understand you, but I don't. I was sure that even after I saw you and Daisy hookup you would choose Maya in the end. What about my theory was wrong? When and where did your gears tell you to go towards Daisy?" She asks me calmly, her eyes still loosely fixed on a point on the wall before us.

I stay silent as I think, not about what I should tell her, but rather if I should tell her.

"Cale. Answer me please. As much as I hated the idea of you dating Maya, all I want for her is happiness and you tore that away from her. I ended up being useless to her. I kept on thinking, if you were the one who hugged her in the rain moments before her accident, would she have pushed you away the same way she did me?"

I leave her question hanging as I know the question isn't actually meant for me. It's for herself, it's her heart squeezing as she imagines something that never was and can never be. We can't go back in time. We can't know. There's no point overthinking it, but she is.

"What if I had told her? She wouldn't have been angry at me and she wouldn't have been in the state she was now."

"Gigi, it isn't your fault. You can't account yourself responsible for something that was beyond your reach. You could think now 'oh, I should've held her back, I should've done something' but that doesn't change where she is now. That doesn't change that everything has already happened."

She stays in silence, her eyes red and dried up from all the tears she shed.

"Answer my question." She finally says out of the blue.

I try avoiding it as much as possible.

"Which one?" I pretend to forget what she means.

"Why did you choose Daisy? Why did you break Maya to pieces when I was so reluctant to give her away in the first place?"

"Because I wanted her."

"Past tense?" She questions, no details passing her by.

"I still do... I just... can't."

Her eyes now turn to look at me and I look back at her. Her blonde hair is put in a messy bun and although she is probably tired you can barely see it as she has had the time to perfect her makeup.

"What do you mean?" She asks, her interest now peeked, and I now wonder if I revealed too much.

"I never wanted to choose Daisy in the first place."