Together Forever

His Reaction.

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After putting the kids to sleep, I got out of bed and did istikhara prayer.

I prayed to Allah that the decision I had made would be the best decision for both me and my kids and everyone else and that He would be with me and make my choice easy.

"Ya Allah, only allow me to go through with this decision if it is the best decision for my dunya and my akhira." I cried softly, falling into prostration and thanking Him.

"Don't make me of the ungrateful servants, Ya Allah. Don't make me forget You in my good days as I need You in my bad days. Test me until I am a beloved servant, ya Rabb. Take my soul when You are pleased with me. Do not let me go astray, keep me on the true path until the day I die."

After finishing my praying I sat in my position and kept my head in my hands trying to calm the racing of my heart.

I dried my cheeks and exhaled, getting up and folding my sajjada, placing it on the dresser before cleansing my face and changing into pyjamas and getting into bed with my babies. They stirred as the bed dipped while I got into it but didn't wake up.

I looked at them in the light of the lamp, watching them sleep with a smile on my face. They were beautiful and as always, I never knew how I could ever be ungrateful to my Lord for anything as I had everything I needed in this world with them next to me.

Eventually I fell asleep feeling at ease after having explained my troubles to the One who always listens.

Alhamdulillah.

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I rolled over, stopping my alarm and stretching in the bed before slowly getting up and washing my face as I got ready for work.

After having breakfast, I left the house and drove to work. Before I knew it, my shift was over seeing as though I had asked to leave an hour early which Bella allowed me to do.

I walked to my car, taking out my phone and looking at his number in my call log.

I stared at it and licked my lips, wondering whether or not it was the best decision to be making.

I had prayed istikhara, but hadn't seen a dream or anything that I could equate to knowing I had made the right choice.

It wasn't like istikhara meant you would see a dream. Istikhara was just asking Allah for guidance and putting your trust in Him for a decision.

I had put my trust in Him and so I decided to go one with my decision. In the end, if He didn't will it to happen, nothing would come out of this.

I took a deep breath and clutched the steering wheel tightly as I pressed the number and took the phone to my ear.

It only took a mere two rings before he answered, breathing out my name in question as if he didn't know whether or not to believe it was actually me.

"Yeah. As salamu alaykum." I said slowly, shaking my head as I instantly regretted my choice of calling him.

I should've just waited for him to call me again.