Love on the Scale

Chapter Twenty-One

James arrived home alone. I don't know why it surprised me, but I just expected him to bring Brandi with him. I didn't know much about her, and James had made a point not to let me hang around her too long, but I still didn't know why. And I didn't have the will to ask him. I already had a small reason, myself. He didn't want me to ruin his relationship. I didn't blame him, really.

"Hey, didn't expect you to be up. It's late."

I nodded, chin on my hands, and stared at him. He frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Are you embarrassed of me? Do you wish I'd stayed at home with Macyn?"

He shook his head. "I'm not embarrassed-"

"Why don't you want me to hang around you and Brandi? Do you think I'm going to drive her away?"

He sat by me on the floor, and grabbed the remote, turning the TV off. "No. Why would you think that?"

"You didn't introduce her to me, first of all. I had to meet her, because we ran into her at the store. You didn't want me to meet her. I thought I was getting better. I'm losing weight, and I try to look neat, but... I guess that's not enough to be worthy of meeting your girlfriend."

He didn't know what to say. He shook his head, but nothing came out of his open mouth. I continued, undeterred.

"Whereas Neil, he actually arranges for me to meet his friends. He shows me off, like I'm worth something, instead of keeping me hidden. He cares about me-"

"Christelle, don't you dare try to say I don't care about you. I'm the one that got you out of the house. I'm the reason you met Neil. I care-"

"Yet you're embarrassed. I don't understand, and I don't want to-'

"Chris..." he dropped his head and laughed. "Why are you so freaking dramatic? So I didn't introduce you to my girlfriend the first day. Don't act like you actually WANTED to meet her. I know you're embarrassed to be around her, and I didn't want you to be. I was looking out for you, and you're accusing me of not caring. What is wrong with you- I thought you had a good time today, with Neil. He's... I mean, he's taking care of you, isn't he? He isn't trying to rush you into anything?"

The concern on his face broke down my anger. But I continued to break down, until I was quiet altogether. He pressed me for an answer.

"No. He's not pressuring me into anything, J. I'm sorry, for saying you didn't care. I'm just..." I bang a hand on the ground, running my nail through the carpet. "It's like I've reached this fork in the road, you know? I'm torn between the Christelle I am now, and the Christelle I want to be. I want to be skinny, and fun to hang with, and I don't want you to be embarrassed of me-"

"I'm not embarrassed of you. I'm just never sure of what you're going to do at any given moment, is all. One minute you can be happy and glad to meet someone, and the next, you're rude and off-putting. Brandi is sensitive. She would've taken it personally, you being all rude to her, when that could have just been your mood for that day. She's told me she'd like to get to know you too, but... I need you to promise me you'll behave yourself."

Behave myself. Like I was a crazy woman who didn't know how to behave and be happy. My smile made him smile, and he asked me what I was grinning at.

"You're on, big brother. I'm going to be so well-behaved, you're going to wonder where your sister went."

"Yeah? I don't think you can do it."

"You'll see. Or, you'll hear. Because you can't come with us, wherever we go."

His smile slips. "What?"

"You're not coming. I get to go alone, and prove I can behave myself. I can't do that if you're constantly looking over my shoulder glaring at me to remind me. Right? So let me do it alone. Come on, it won't be that bad... please?"

He looked like he was going to say no for the longest time, but finally he nodded. "Fine. But I swear, if you do one thing to make her uncomfortable-"

"I won't, I promise. I PROMISE. This will be a new start."

He stood and helped me up. "Get to bed, Chris. We have to work tomorrow."

The mention of the studio crushed my smile. "James, Macyn needs to leave. I can't work without being scared of what she's planning."

"I know. But for now, all we can do is wait and hope she won't do anything. It's a long shot, but as long as we stay out of her way, everything should be okay."

He didn't even look convinced. I wasn't calmed, but it WAS late. I knew he couldn't function without sleep. We said goodnight, and I passed his room to get to mine. He called me when I reached my door, and I turned around.

He looked hesitant, and sighed. "Neil is treating you right, isn't he? I mean, I know what kind of guy he can be. I know the girls he used to date, and what he used to do. I'm trying to stay out of your relationship, but I'm worried. You've never dated, and he's so unpredictable..."

I frowned. "You think he's going to dump me?"

"No. I don't think that- he's obviously head-over-heels for you. I'll admit I've never seen him be in any relationship for this long-"

"It's only been three weeks since I met him."

"Exactly. His relationships rarely last two. So you must be special to him. I just don't know how long this will last. I hope is lasts a long, long time," he hurried to add, "but I don't know how long that is for him. Just... I'm just telling you to be careful, Chris. Can you do that for me?"

I nodded, and he gave a small smile before walking into his room. I had to sleep with the thoughts of being dumped like trash fresh in my head. But fear kept me awake for a long time, making me wonder how long Neil would be interested in me.