Sins of the father

Lost and Found

   Beyoncé POV

"Ughhhh"I moaned softly as I moved my lips and tasted the most disgusting mixture of bile and lasagna from last nights dinner on my tongue.

I don't know at one point the glasses of wine I chugged down while I was venting last night came back up , but the trash can by my bed and cup of ginger ale on my nightstand let me know that my mom more than likely found me in my drunken state and cleaned me up.

I still have not told her about the events that unfolded yesterday, mainly the Seeing Shawn again part, Because I didn't know what she would think about it.

After what happened the day Blue was born , she never expressed to me or anyone how she truly felt about him and for all I know she might've forgiven him for his wrongs and take sides with him .

I love my mama, but she could go to hell if she agreed with Shawn about seeing Blue .

It would be out of her character as the protective parent she is to even let him get close to me again , but she was going through this new holy phase where she attended church more and would either want me and the girls to come with her to her the sermon live or she'd sum it up for us once she came home.

It was like she was turning over a new leaf , the only way she could see my father everyday and not want to kill him in his sleep .

Just the thought of my dad made my head hurt

Whenever I got drunk , my phone needed to be taken .

There's been times where I've drunk texted or called Shawn crying for him or telling him how angry I was about what he did .

But last night topped everything

I messaged my dad for the first time in years for a personal conversation and it didn't just stop there.

After the whole episode with Shawn, Blue , and how he threw me having a relationship with my dad growing up as an excuse for him to be in his daughters life I just had to reach out to my dad and say something .

I missed him , like every day

It was the craziest thing to admit , but I honestly did . I was a daddy's girl growing up , so anyone he went I went with him . He was at every parent teacher conference, talent show, award ceremony, and school trip I went on that had to do with some scholarly.

I had so many memories of him laying next to me outside while I studied in our hammock swinging side to side as he quizzed me on my homework, of the two of us taking weekend trips to colleges and eating tons of junk food on the road with the music blasting, father daughter balls at my school standing on his toes while he sang off key near my ear .