Help Me Remember (COMPLETED)

Chapter 22 Part 1

I know, I know. Shoot me for posting so late. And I'd like to explain in full detail why the hold up. BUT it would be longer than my update so you know...

Happy reading:) 

Chapter 22 Part 1

Who

You know one of the worst things about having this amnesia? Aside from losing every memory you ever had... You keep on replaying the few memories that your mind could actually hold on to.

And that's what my mind did. It kept replaying scenes in my head. Kept trying to piece together the memories to make sense. Kept trying to put meaning to everything I had so far. Every conversation, every word. Zachary's mother. Susan, our housekeeper. Valerie, his assistant. Marcus and the strange looks he seemed to always give me. Mara. That party. Those three women from today.

And the clinic. That clinic. 

That horrible place.

"For the right price, we perform abortion procedure without the bindings of exams, waivers and medical records..."

That doctor's face as he said those words was burned at the forefront of every memory I had.

"Don't go looking for triggers..." Mara's words seemed to taunt me now.

And an even earlier of a conversation I had with Zach.

"Was it planned? Were we expecting a baby?"

"Any child you decide to give me will be cherished well."

My head was already putting meaning to such an evasive answer. Why he wouldn't answer me directly. Why he seemed stiff at that moment, so cold, so distant.

"An abortion! Do you have to make me say such a straightforward term?" The red-faced crook doctor spat in my face.

Before the accident... would I have had an abortion? Was I that kind of person? Would I have really? As if I could still be call myself a person if that was the case.

I couldn't be.

But why was it that as much as I didn't want to believe such a thing... it seemed like the most possible reason? Why did every fiber in my body seem to be screaming that I was so close to the truth?

The child I now felt so protective of that the idea he was unwanted tore at me... was actually a tiny being in danger of losing its life. And by the hands of the woman from whom he should have felt the most love from. His own mother.

I felt a shiver run down my spine. And with that, the tightening of arms around me.

Disoriented, I lift my eyes to the person I've completely forgotten about. It should've been funny considering I was cradled by his body. Him, sat on the sofa and me sprawled on his lap with a blanket over us. But I couldn't even tell how we got in this position.

"Are you cold?" Zachary asked. 

That question was so out of place with the thoughts running in my mind... But I couldn't help but notice how his blue eyes shown bright this up close. Like the clear sky on a cloudless day.

The person my brain automatically went to after today's horror. Like a personal comfort zone. The first person I thought to run to...

But he doesn't tell you anything, a snide voice said in my head. You called him a dark angel.

But that felt like weak reasoning. I've seen the difference between the looks people gave him and the ones they gave me. And it was wrong to deny he was acting a lot more reasonably than I did. And if I summed up all his actions...

It would be a lie to say he had no concern for my well-being.

What if I was the darkness and him the angel?

Why was I convinced that I was the monster in this story?

Because you are. It scared me that my own thoughts, my own mind was betraying me with these comments. As if someone inside my head was cackling at the chaos it wrought in the recesses of my own head.

Zach shifted beneath me and again I was back to reality. He was pulling the blanket tighter around me. And he staring into my eyes in a way that told me he was seeing every thought inside my head. Those blue eyes suddenly telling of a storm beneath the calm and it was about to punish the shores of my mind with its wrath. And it threw me into panic.

If he asks, lie. My mind whispered.

I knew he was about to speak. And my mouth was prepared for an array of answers. The barricades already going up...

"I'm not going to ask."

But I was not prepared for that.

"W-what?" I asked, confused.

Those eyes blinked down at me and like that the storm dissipated. He looked at me calmly, "Why? Do you want me to ask?"

The stupid tears started brimming for some reason. "No," I answer shakily. The most honest thing I could tell him.

He searched my face. "Then I won't ask," Zach said.

Some of the heaviness in my chest was immediately released by those words.

But with them leaving, confusion was immediate and somehow that felt even heavier. Because I knew then, that if there was actually something I was sure of... it was that I didn't trust this person too.

The time I had in the hospital completely doubtful of him being my husband. And how his responses were always strange, unclear and seemed to have an underlying meaning to them.

You seek comfort from the same person you do not trust? How is that?

Yes, I asked myself, how is that?

I whispered, "Why n-not?"

"Just because." It was a disheartening answer. Somehow expected but completely disappointing. And I didn't know what to think anymore. my head felt full, but at the same time, it felt like it was stuffed with cotton. Like everything was inside me but at the same time, I also felt empty.

And I couldn't even pinpoint where my own conclusions were actually going.

And I just wanted everything to stop spinning for a moment.

I squeezed my eyes shut, "T-then may I ask the q-questions then?" My voice came out weakly.

I waited for a response, somehow expecting him to say no...

"Ask."

My eyes flung open. The swirl of emotion in my head spilling into three syllables that said everything I'd always wanted to speak out loud.

"Who. Am. I?"

Vote. Comment. Leave questions about the story on my wall and start a discussion. I'd love to hear your thoughts. :)

So I asked a friend to tell who she thinks was the bad person in this story. And she said ZACH! Do you guys have the same thoughts?