The Nanny

Chapter Ten

"I can't believe you got stuck in an elevator with Imad. Sounds like something from an old film." He chuckled.

"Yes it does. So that's the craziest thing that has happened to me." I said.

"Okay hands down your story officially takes the win." We both laughed and smiled at each other.

"I am glad you called." He spoke, without pretense.

"To be honest. What you said hasn't left my mind and so I couldn't ignore it or run away."

"I am sorry for planting a seed of my words..." He spoke, unable to finish his sentence due to the smile he was holding back.

"You don't seem sorry." I said daringly and raised an eyebrow.

"Ha!" He smacked his lips. "You caught me." And raised his hands midst in air and laughed. I couldn't help it but smile.

"I am sorry we couldn't go somewhere nice or fancy."

"No need for an apology. I like your office anyway," he replied. Jamal and I, are having lunch in my office. I knew I would have bailed out last minute if I were the one to meet him, so this was the best resort.

"So I have thought about it and marriage isn't completely off the table but I don't know... I am not sure."

"What's holding you back?" His tone more stern and serious.

"Well a lot of things. To be honest. One is the thought of jumping into marriage with someone I really don't know or trust..."

"I am not a stranger Amal." He interjected and looked into my eyes. Expressing his sincerity.

"Yes I know Jamal. We've known each other our entire lives. It has been years and I don't think your interests are the same when you were eighteen. And if they are, I won't judge."

"So you want to get to know me better?" He asked.

"Yes," I replied. Sure as ever. "I want to be your friend first before becoming your wife." I said, and shyly looked away.

"Then one day you can be both," He said in a modulating tone, that averted my thoughts and I looked at him. Wondering if he were really my soulmate. Everyone has someone written for them, was Jamal the one for me? "Well how long do you want to be friends for?" He asked.

"You mean how long until I decide to take the next step with you. I believe, you can never really know a person, and even if I spent years being your friend just to re-learn your interests, I'd still manage to miss some things that may take more years to discover. In a way marriage is risky like that, you take a leap of faith with someone you'll never truly know but love and trust and other factors bind you together."

"You speak so beautifully. I didn't realize you were filled with so much passion," He spoke, seeming almost mesmerized by my words.

"Thank you." I felt me cheeks warm up, and my hands get clammy. "Marriage is beautiful, nonetheless. So to answer your question, two months." He remained quiet, as if he were searching his thoughts. Looking for the right way to answer. I then thought maybe two months was too long, or too short. Would he lose interest by then...

"Deal." He replied. "I look forward to becoming your friend."

"As do I."

"Can I ask you something personal?" He asked.

"Yes. I'll try my very best to answer honestly."

"Do you still talk to your dad?" I laughed softly, before I answered.

"I do. If you are worried about my dad, you shouldn't be. He likes you."

"Do you miss your sister? I imagine you do deeply. She was your confidante. I remember the two of you would always be sitting together whispering to each other and giggling." I remained silent before answering him. I thought about my sister and how she may never wake up and if she does she may not be the same person. It was a heavy feeling for my heart. To heavy to bare and tears seeped through my eyelids and stayed there until a tear trickled down my cheek and it was water works from there. Silent tears. I wiped away, quickly whenever they fall from eyes.

"I didn't mean to trigger you," He said in a low tone. "I know it's a sensitive topic. I just wanted to make conversation with you that's it."

"N... no." I stuttered. "It's fine." I wiped my tears with my hands and looked at him.

"I don't really know how to comfort women when they cry. I feel terrible for causing your tears. I am so sorry Amal. I really am."

"You didn't cause my tears." I said and chuckled, as I watched Jamal get all jittery and nervous. He was baffled and I just watched him try to figure out the right words to say.

"You do not have to talk about this. I'll change the topic."

"You don't have to walk on eggshells around me. I get emotional, but I can talk about it."

"Okay, if you're certain."

"Yes I miss my sister, I miss my mum, dad and I just miss my family. I keep on thinking that one day I'll wake up from this dream and everything will be the way it was. Losing my mother tore my heart into pieces, losing a love like that it does something to you. My sister on the other hand... She... She's my best friend. If she were here everything would feel less terrible you know - someone to talk to whenever and about whatever. She would understand my pain and share it with me. The doctors don't believe she will wake up soon, or at all. And it's so hard being the only one believing she will. My father doesn't even address this fact, nor does he talk about his feelings or the trauma. He distanced himself from me. Like I am a plague or something." I stopped talking, taking a deep breath in. Feeling my chest tighten a little bit from speaking aloud my thoughts that were no longer hidden in my mind and it was a relief. "I guess you're second guessing your choice - for me to be your wife. I have emotion baggage that I carry with me at all times."

"No such thing. It's the opposite really. That's far from what I am thinking." He attempts to rest his hand on mine, but retreated his hand and placed it back on his lap. He was trying to comfort me by his touch, which was not permissible in our religion. He sighed. "I am just thinking of how strong you are, to be able to endure this test from Allah s.w.t. You've composed yourself in the most graceful way and you didn't even turn bitter towards the world, regardless of all that has been taken away from you. I was thinking of how lucky I would be to have you as my wife and partner. To be the person to help you carry your emotional baggage and support you in everything that you do. To be your companion. That would be the greatest blessing of all."

"You speak like you're in love." I bluntly blurted out that statement. He said nothing and I read his silence as his response. I didn't know how to reciprocate the kindness back, and it made me more silent. And we fall into an awkward silence. I thanked him at last.

"You don't need to thank me. It's the unspoken rule of friendship, no thank yous."

"You've listened to me. That deserves a thank you."

"You speak so angelically. Why wouldn't I?"

"And you butter me up with compliments." I said.

"I mean every word. I like to speak honestly." He replied. "You'll be fine Amal. Everything will work out in the end and you might not see the reason behind your test, but that's a test in it self to be able to worship and love and trust Allah s.w.t regardless of your predicament. Everything will unravel it's self in due time. Be patient, in the beautiful patience."

"Insha'allah." I said. "You are great company. I appreciate it." I look at my watch and realize, my lunch break is over. We had been talking for an hour. And it made me smile for some reason. The food on the coffee table was barely touched. I took a few bites for my sandwich, but that was it. Jamal finished his meal before he left. A funny thing happened to me the rest of the afternoon, flashes of our time spent together came into my mind. Wondering off and thinking of possible scenarios. Smiling to
myself became recurrent. It was weird, at least for me. I was smitten and it had became obvious when I wondered off into the past, remembering what Jamal had said. All his words and expressions.