I run up to my room, barely being able to see where I'm going from my blurry sight. Everything starts feeling so warm, and it feels as if the walls are caving in on me. "What's happening" I ask myself in utter confusion. I finally stumble in my room, I try and lock the door as quick as i can but i feel like I'm fainting. My heart starts beating really fast, and I start getting sweaty by the neck as my hands. "Please stop"'I whisper to myself as I slide down the door in tears. "PleaSe" my voice cracked.
D O W N S T A I R S
"Guys" Ethan said in a very stern tone. "What just happened?" Benji asks. "Listen up kids" Ethan said. "Bruh you are legit only 3 minutes older than me??" Daniel let out. "Therefor I am older. Thank you for proving my point." Ethan said in a mad tone. He would normally joke around but this time he was mad. "Guys...our sister is taking drugs. She got drunk last night. It seems as if history is repeating it self.." Ethan said as he looked over at Stiles. "Don't drag me into this shit. And c'mon guys it's not our problem. So? She is taking drugs and got drunk last night. Stupid. Really stupid. But not our problem." Stiles said as he stood up. The others looked down rubbing their heads. "God you have got to be kidding me. GUYS?" Stiles yelled out. No one looked at him. "Fine. Wanna be fucking assholes and betray me, go ahead and do it. I fucking knew it." Stiles let out as he stormed out the kitchen grabbing his car keys. "Guys I'm not feeling so good I-" Finn caught himself off as he needed to throw up. He did it on the floor. Shit. "Bro?!" Benji let our in disgust. "What the hell Finn??" Daniel let out. "Everyone in their rooms. NOW" Ethan yelled. Ethan doesn't yell easily. So my brothers knew to go. "Ethan I'm sorry I di-" Daniel got caught off. "Enough. Go!" Ethan said.
"My fucking god what am I supposed to do?" Ethan said. You would think he is talking to himself. And I guess it's up to interpretation. But he's talking to god. He is turning to god in these hard times. I guess. God? That's a trippy thing huh? I've been raised in a non religious house. So it isn't really that big of a deal, but my mom always say that we are "Jews undercover" she doesn't want us to bear our necklace everywhere, because we are gonna get judged for it. I've never understood why someone wanna waste their time so bad, so they bitch about religion. Ethan held quite for a bit. He needed to think.
U P S T A I R S
Finn and Benji went into Daniel's room. Finn and Benji were both crying. Daniel just noticed. "Hey guys what's wrong? Are you okay?" He said in a concerned voice, embracing the both of them. "Daniel we can't handle this, it's too much" Finn let out, getting teary eyes. "Please make the pain stop" Benji said, crying. "Guys guys guys calm down, what's happening?" Daniel said as he sat them down, by his side and they went in to hug him. Normally Daniel would make a joke about how weird it is that they always wanna cuddle. But they needed it right now. "Shhs it will be okay. You guys are Okay. Breathe" Daniel said trying to calm them down. After a while they calmed down. Daniel went to get them a glass of water. "Here you go guys" he said as he gave them each their glasses. "So wanna talk about this? What was this about?" Daniel asked them. "It's just a really hard time for the both of us right now. We don't feel comfortable telling you right now. Just be there for us." Finn said. Benji just looked down. He was embarrassed. Daniel noticed. "Hey buddy look at me, it's okay you don't have to be perfect all the time I get it. It's okay." Daniel said as he hugged Benji. Benji was full on crying. "Stop Daniel just stop" Benji said. " Benny c'mon just tell me what's wrong. It's okay whatever it is it's gonna be okay." Daniel said as he tried to hug Benji. But Benji pulled out of the hug and stood up. He wasn't sad...he was mad. "You're mad...aren't you?" Finn asked. "What are you mad about? Whatever it is we can make it through this together okay? I promise." Daniel said as he stood up trying to embrace Benji. "NO YOU DON'T GET IT" Benji yelled as he pushed Daniel off him. "I HATE MYSELF I WANNA FUCKINF DIE I HATE THIS FAMILY I HATE MY FRIENDS FUCK THAT I DON'T HAVE FRIENDS I'M SO LONELY ALL THE TIME IT HURTS GOD I WANNA FEEL AGAIN" He yelled out. He fell down on his knees. "Oh god I wanna feel again" he whispered before crying. Daniel and Finn both stood there in disbelief. "I'm-" Daniel let out. "Listen kid we can get through this, whatever it is throw it at me we'll handle it" Daniel comforted his younger sibling. Getting a bit teary eyes himself watching his brother go through this. "STOP IT DONT BABY IT DOWN I DON'T WANNA BE ALIVE DON'T YOU GET IT? I'VE BEEN PRAYING FOR SOMEBODY TO HELP ME NO ONE'S CALLING ME ASKING ME HOW I'M DOING IT FEELS LIKE MY LIFE AIN'T MINE IT FEELS LIKE IM A GHOST WALKING THROUGH THE HALLS NO ONE REALLY CARES ABOUT ME" He yelled out yet again breaking down. "I've been on a low I've been taking my time but it doesn't change I've tried everything" Benji let out. "Dude what doesn't change?" Finn asked him. Benji I looked at his brothers that both obviously were sad as to why their brother would break down like this. Benji finally built the courage up. "I'm gay."
____________________________________
Well this was one hell of a emotional roller coaster huh? I hope you guys like it and thank you so much for all the support it means more than you think.
Love you. You matter. My dms are always open.
See you lovelies!
- Toutxoxo
