Nightmares -Saiouma/Oumasai-

-9-

T/W There are themes of intense hallucinations and depression in this chapter and upcoming chapters. This is a warning.

Saihara's POV

Kokichi fell asleep on my chest after he said the words causing his eyes to slowly shut. I just looked down at him and saw the small smile on his face. Before I knew it my hands found their way into his hair and I started unconsciously combing through his purple locks with a smile forming on my face. I could barely hear what was going on in the movie, but I didn't care. The only thing I care about is making sure Kokichi is safe and by my side.

I smiled to myself. All this time I thought my admiration and care for him was all one-sided. But he was suffering as well. A lot more than I could ever imagine. I mean I understand how lonely it can be when no one listens to you. I know how it is thinking you are better off dead than having to be around people that you think are so much better than you. I wish I could have found out how he was feeling sooner. I would have been able to help him and be able to make sure he was alright and always stay by his side. I have been lonely ever since well forever. My parents were never really present and my uncle was preoccupied with work to give me any sense that he cared. I knew he did... but it was hard to remember that all the time.

I could feel Kokichi move closer into my chest soft snores coming out of his mouth. He is just so cute! I found myself blushing because my heart was bursting with love for the little leader snuggled into my chest. I don't know how he has this effect on me... I mean he could always make me flustered by any of his actions towards me... but this seems different... Like I know that he trusts me enough to be able to fall asleep in my lap. And it makes me so happy that I'm the one that he trusts with this side of him and I don't want anyone else to be able to see him like this. I know that may be a little overprotective and controlling of me to say, but I just want it to be me and him. I mean I like doing training with Maki and Kaito... and talking to Gonta and Kiibo. But Kokichi... is the only one I want. He is the only one I want to be able to be like this with. The only one I can see myself completely trusting. I know that must seem crazy... Why would you trust a liar? I can see how others would think I'm crazy.

I looked back down at Kokichi. But I want people to know that he is trying his best to be honest with me, so why shouldn't I trust him as he trusts me?

"Sai..."

"hara..."

"chan~..." I could hear Kokichi mumble the name he chose to call me. I'm not sure if this started because he wanted to use "chan" at the end of my last name to imply affection... or if he just found my stature more on the feminine side... Either way, it makes me blush whenever he calls me by that name or any nickname he gives me. I put my hands back around his torso and laid back on the couch. I could hear content sigh leave his lips when I moved my arms around him. I couldn't help but smile at how much I love him. I could only think of how much I love the leader laying on me and blush at the thought. I started to rub his back and found myself relaxing.

I could hear the movie credits playing but didn't bother to go and turn it off. I just let the sound of his calm breathing and the sensation of tracing circles on his back relax me completely. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in and let my eyes close. I wasn't tired but I wanted to be able to be in the moment. Our moment. My moment with Kokichi. Cause all of these moments are things I know I will never forget.

Kokichi's POV

I must be really tired was the only thing I could think before I was out. I woke up in a field of flowers they were all pretty colors of pink, blue, and purple. The wind was blowing softly making the flowers move as if they were dancing. I found myself entranced by the way they moved in the wind and mesmerized by all the pretty colors coming together.

I took a deep breath inhaling the scent of all the flowers. Roses, lilies, lilacs, violets. I felt so calm by the feeling of the warm sun on my back and the wind softly combing through my hair. I closed my eyes only for a moment taking in all the sounds and the sweet smells of the flowers.

My eyes fluttered open once more and I saw Saihara standing in the distance. With a smile, I walked over to him and I could see as I got closer that he was picking a bouquet of all the colors of the flowers. When I got to his side I grabbed his chin to look him in the eyes. He looked up at me and smiled before there was a moment of silence. Everything froze. The wind stopped and the flowers were frozen in place. Confused I looked down at Saihara and noticed he was in a similar state.

Then it all went black. I was starting to get nervous. Would he come back again? Is this going to be a Nightmare?

I could feel my breathing quicken. I don't want this to happen. Not again! Please. please! please!! I could hear or see anything I could feel tears falling down my face.

Ne.

He.

Hee.

You thought you could get rid of me.

You get rid of a part of yourself Kokichi.

You're stuck with me.

Forever.

Ne He Hee...

The voice faded away but the screams didn't stop. I could feel all the painfull memories flashing across my mind.

All the cuts.

All the pain.

The words I said.

The things they said.

Worthless.

Liar.

You should have died.

Why couldn't it have been you?

You'll be alone forever.

I could feel every single pleading cry that left my throat screaming for this to stop escape my mouth feeling like the plea cut through my through by just trying to get out. I want all of this to stop.

It's only a matter of time.

Shut up!

He will find out the truth.

Please stop!

He won't want you anymore.

He will leave you as everyone else has.

You'll be all alone like you always will be.

SHUT UP!!

My eyes shot open tears pouring out of them. I just held myself shaking. I couldn't hear anything. The screams were too loud. The sobs were too deafening. I couldn't see anything. It was all blurry from my tears.

Why is this happening?

Saihara-chan!

Please.

Help me

-Sorry for all the angst but I hope you liked it. I have been having a weird week and this is the only way I can even try to understand what is happening in my head. So thanks for reading! Thank you so much! You are all super amazing!!-

-ShuichiOuma010-