Nightmares -Saiouma/Oumasai-

-14-

Kokichi's POV

I felt an overwhelming feeling of guilt come over me as we entered the dining hall and I received a glare from Kaito and a confused glance from Maki. I looked up and was met with Saihara's eyes and his worried expression. I gave him a small smile trying to make him not have to waste any more of his time worrying about me. He probably has better things to worry about...

"Hey, Kokichi." Saihara bent down to my level to whisper in my ear.

"Yeah Saihara-Chan?" I asked meeting his gaze again.

"Where do you want to eat today?" He asked taking my hands in his and giving me a supportive smile.

Where do I want to eat? I felt the feeling of guilt come over me again and I could feel my smile faded into a frown. I don't want to make him have to eat with me every day. I don't want him to have to be away from his friends because of me. I don't want to make him feel left out because of me...

"Kokichi?" He asked again putting his hand on my cheek gesturing for me to meet his gaze. I didn't lookup. I don't want to face him like this. I shouldn't even be here...

"Sorry, Saihara-Chan... If you want to sit with your friends I can go hang out with Kirumi..." I said still not giving into his hand on my cheek. Trying to get me to look into his eyes. Those beautiful golden eyes...

"That's not what I asked Kokichi... I want to sit with you. I don't care if we sit next to Kaito or outside in the hall. I just want to sit with you Kokichi, because I love you." He said squatting down to meet my gaze that was down towards the floor. He looked into my eyes and moved his other hand to my other cheek caressing the surface gently. I hesitantly looked into his eyes. He had a small smile on his face and was looking at me like I was the only other person in the room. I felt tears pricking at the corners of my eyes before I went down to his level and hid my face in his chest. I silently cried into his shirt and moved my hands to grab the back of his shirt.

He moved his hands around my shoulders and slowly guided me so I was standing. I didn't move my head away from his chest. I don't want all of them to see me crying. I hate crying in front of other people... I felt Saihara slowly guide me out into the hall before he sat me on the floor and knelt in front of me.

"Hey, it's ok to feel sad. Ok?" He said putting his hands on my shoulders. I felt exhausted already from trying to hold all this in. So I let some of my tears out and put my hands over my eyes trying to wipe them away so he didn't see them.

His hands slowly moved to mine and gently took them away from my eyes and rested them on his cheeks. I could feel the warmth radiating off his cheeks. I knew mine was red because I was crying. I hated making other people have to watch me cry. It's so disgusting and I am already repulsive to look at.

"Kokichi, it's ok." He said before he moved to sit next to me pulling me into his lap rubbing my back.

"I'm right here and I want to help you. I don't know what your head is telling you, but I want you to know I want to be around you Kokichi, no matter what. I'm doing all of this because I care about you. I want to do this. It's not your fault." He whispered into my ear moving one of his hands into my hair softly petting it.

"Sorry..." I said trying to tell him that he could leave and he didn't have to stay by my side. He didn't have to waste his time being around me. He doesn't have to waste his life staying by my side...

"You don't have to be sorry. You never have to apologize to me for being around me. You make me feel so happy I just-" He cut himself off pulling me into a hug. Moments later I could hear small sniffles and sobs over on my shoulder. I moved my hand to his hair and slowly moved my hand through it causing the sniffles to lessen.

"Saihara-chan I'm sorry because I make you feel this way. I want to believe you, but my mind won't let me. I'm trying Saihara-Chan just-" I said getting cut off by him abruptly pulling back to capture my lips in his. I felt my face increase in temperature feeling him hold me securly in his arms and the feeling of his soft, gentle lips on mine.

He slowly pushed my against the wall to slightly deepen the kiss. I smiled agaisnt his mouth and the hand I had in his hair moved down to the back on his neck to caress the warm skin that was exposed above his shirt. His hands secured their place behind my neck and he put his warm hands against the cold skin on my neck making me auidibly shiver.

We slowly broke away for air. We stared into each others eyes while my hand just froze on the back of his neck mesmerised by the color of his eyes. They are absolutely beautiful.

"Kokichi. I love you. Never forget that." He said resting his head on my chest right where my heart was. My heart was beating so fast it made me blush knowing that he could probably hear it loud and clear. I covered my face with Saihara's hair nuzzling my face into it taking his scent in. He reminds me of something I can't remember, but all I know is whatever memory it reminds me of, it must have been a good one.

"Kokichi? You should probably get something to eat..." Saihara said under his breath raising his head so his face was inches from mine. I smiled as his face got super red while he jumped partially back. I held onto his sides and waited till his embarrassment passed and his gaze returned to me.

"I'm ready to eat Saihara-chan although I'm not that hungry... I know that I should try to get back into a normal eating habit..." I said looking down.

"I think that's great Kokichi. I'm happy you want to get better. I want you to be happy and seeing you make an effort to make yourself happy it makes me so proud of you." He pulled me into one more hug before he stood up and held out his hand for me to take it.

"Thank you," I said blushing taking his hand and standing up next to him.

"Alright, then let's go get you something to eat," Saihara said taking my hand and walking with me into the dining hall. When we entered again people gave me weird looks probably from the scene I caused earlier. I flinched at seeing their faces before I felt a comforting squeeze on my hand. I smiled and regained my confidence. I can do this.

We sat down across from each other and Saihara placed a plate full of food in front of me.

"Only eat what you can ok. Don't force yourself." He said like a parent warning a child. I smiled at how concerned he was about me.

"I will. Thank you so much Saihara-Chan." I said giving him a confident smile before swallowing my guilt and eating my food.

I felt full from all the food from yesterday. I used to just eat a big meal at the beginning of the week and would have small snacks once or twice a day. I would eat like a pretzel or a grape and then not eat for the rest of the day. Eating every day will get hard because I haven't been eating very well... I can't even really remember not eating like this...

"Kokichi are you full?" Saihara asked looking down at the half-finished roll on my plate and the tiny bites I took out of my soup.

"Yeah sorry I didn't eat too much," I said silently adding I'm not used to eating this much under my breath.

"It's alright I just want to make sure you're comfortable." He said taking my plate and giving it to Kirumi before taking a seat in the seat next to mine sliding his hand into mine. I closed my hand around his a smile coming to my face.

I can do this. I have my beloved Saihara-Chan with me. And he is all I need. I can do this because he is by my side. I believe that this will get better. All because of you Shuichi Saihara.

"I'm so proud of you Kokichi." He whispered into my ear resting his head on my shoulder.

"I'm proud of me too," I whispered back leaning my head into his with a content sigh.

"I'm glad." Saihara cooed into my ear making me shiver. He then placed a soft kiss on my forehead before leaning back into my shoulder.

-Here is another part. Sorry it isn't very good... I hope it was good enough for the next part of this fanfiction. Thanks for reading!-

-ShuichiOuma010-