History3: Make Our Days Count (Miracle)

Morning Ride

Yu Xi Gu can’t remember the last time he slept so soundly. Even on nights when he’s exhausted from his part-time job and literally too tired to think, the anxiety under his skin never really goes away. Worrying about losing his scholarship is a daily thing so he never allows himself to be idle. He's so constantly scared of failing that he’s forgotten what it’s like to relax and just let be.

And then Xiang Hao Ting came into his life with promises of love and care and safety, and so starkly invested in his well-being that Xi Gu feels like the crushing weight he’s been carrying for the past few years, as he stubbornly tried to survive, no longer sits as heavily on his shoulders.

Even so, he takes caution, reminding himself that he can’t fall inlove. As steadfast as Hao Ting appears to be, he’s still a teenager. They all are. And emotions can be fleeting. He’s seen it multiple times with other students. Highschool tends to be a breeding ground for whirlwind romances and broken hearts. What is overwhelmingly certain today can change into indifference and irritation tomorrow.

He likes and trusts Xiang Hao Ting. He's familiar in a way that continues to baffle Xi Gu, like he intrinsically knows the boy long before he noticed him. The attraction is strong, butterflies in his stomach whenever he sees his dimpled smile, the crescent shape of his eyes, and the soothing timber of his voice. But no matter what he may feel, Xi Gu’s decisions in life has always been governed by his brain— practicality hasn't failed him yet—while his late parents solely took up the spaces of his heart. A part of him is afraid to make room for Hao Ting.

He professes to love Xi Gu now, but how long ‘til his love runs out and he gets sick of him? The mere thought of Hao Ting finding someone else and acting just as sweet and unrepentantly affectionate already makes him want curl up into a ball. It’s inevitable, that pain of being replaced in Hao Ting’s heart. If he even really does wholly have his heart, Xi Gu thinks bitterly, recalling that someone who came before him.

Xi Gu’s a nobody and his looks are average. He isn’t delusional enough to believe that he can keep Hao Ting interested for the long haul. He should do the smart thing. Reject him and save himself the grief. But then he thinks of everything that’s happened so far, from the pitiful image of Hao Ting slumped on the clinic floor to the smile that blossomed on his face whenever Xi Gu smiled his way, and he just can’t.

He’s terrified of getting his heart broken but he’s more terrified of breaking Hao Ting’s heart. Especially when it’s already in pieces to begin with.

Xi Gu blinks back tears and shakes his head. He has to stop feeling afraid over the ‘what ifs’, of going off the script he’s written for his life in order to achieve his goals. Xiang Hao Ting is everything good and right in his world right now. If Xi Gu overthinks this, he might end up missing out on the singular best thing that could ever happen to him.

Though Xi Gu lost his parents at an early age, Auntie told him the story of how they met. It was dislike at first sight. They were in the same class and were at each other’s throats fighting for the #1 rank, but the animosity didn’t last long. Their shared passion for astronomy paved the way for their love. They decided to create a future together a few months after graduation. But Mama was from a rich family and Papa had to work his way through college. Though he graduated top of his class, the fact remained that he didn't come from money. Mama’s parents didn’t like Papa but she fought for their love, for the child in her womb. She married him and kept Xi Gu even if she ended up getting disowned.

He still remembers the way his parents smiled that day they left to chase after the Rose Nebula and aches with yearning at the memory. They might have been fascinated with the cosmos but always behaved as if all the celestial objects in the universe could never compare to the joy they felt by simply being next to each other. At the core of him, Xi Gu’s always wished to have what his parents had.