History3: Make Our Days Count (Miracle)

Comfort And New Friends

Xi Gu watched helplessly as Hao Ting screamed and sagged like a marionette with its strings cut, his eyes wide and unseeing. He tried to bring him out of his head, coaxing him back to reality like he did that afternoon. But Hao Ting remained unresponsive to his ministrations. It reminded Xi Gu of the day he saw him at the clinic with Dr. Jiang

Dr. Jiang said that sometimes, especially in the case of severe panic attacks, you just have to wait until the sufferer surfaces back on their own. But Xi Gu has no way of knowing when that will be. Hao Ting is rain-soaked and he needs him dry and dressed before he catches a cold.

With a determined breath, Xi Gu decides to change his clothes for him.

There is no room for embarrassment. Xi Gu works on getting his boyfriend progressively naked with each article of clothing removed while stubbornly pretending that he is just a patient needing his help. However, all the stoicism he could muster still couldn't quite calm his racing heart when he got to Hao Ting's boxer briefs, thinking how he can't possibly invade his privacy like that. But then he notices something bright red trickle down his thigh and Xi Gu drops his indecision.

He pulls the lampshade closer and pushes up the boxer's inseam, revealing bandages along Hao Ting's inner thigh. It's saturated in blood— fresh and crusted alike— when he peels back the gauze. Hao Ting doesn't even flinch when he prods at the site of the wound. Xi Gu exhales, heart squeezing something awful when he sees four distinct lacerations through all the red, swiftly coming to the realization that the deep cuts appear to be self-inflicted. 

Xi Gu wastes no time in bringing out his basic first aid kit to clean the wound and redress the bandage. Hao Ting comes back to himself as Xi Gu is finishing up. He gasps which dissolves into a pained moan, looking around like he can't recall where he is. Xi Gu quickly tries to assure him, explain what happened when Hao Ting reels him in and throws his arms around his waist. He clings, face buried against Xi Gu's stomach as he breaks down into sobs, muttering the words, 'You're alive, you're okay.' interspersed by Xi Gu's name like a broken record.

Xi Gu rakes his fingers through Hao Ting's hair, waiting patiently until he's sufficiently calmed down, hot tears filling his eyes at hearing his desperate relief. Hao Ting rears back and pulls him down in a flash. They kiss and kiss until Xi Gu is dizzy, choked up with emotions that seep into his soul from Hao Ting through their lips. 

"Let's get you changed." He urges breathlessly as they lay slumped by the edge of the bed and he helps Hao Ting with the rest of his clothes. 

Hao Ting stares, like he can't bear to take his eyes off Xi Gu. Up until they're both on the bedspread, clean and dry and snuggled under the covers, Hao Ting would always gravitate to watching him like a hawk, as if afraid Xi Gu would suddenly disappear. His pulse is still too fast to be considered normal, but as long as he's no longer screaming or stuck in a catatonic like state, Xi Gu counts that as a win. 

When Hao Ting seems to have had his fill, he starts apologizing in earnest. "I didn't mean to... The wallpaper just caught me off guard." He says despondently and Xi Gu realizes guiltily that no matter how beautiful the Rose Nebula is, it still appears like a giant blood splatter on a wall in a dimly lit room. With Hao Ting's traumatic past, it would be wise to assume that a pool of blood, or something resembling it can be a trigger.

"It's okay. I understand. It was my—"

"It's not okay. I can't... keep doing this to you." He says, self-loathing coating every word.