Southern Boy Charm | ✓

Chapter 20

My heart stops.

Or it doesn't stop, really. It just begins beating so hard and fast in my throat that it feels like it isn't beating at all.

I jump off the hammock, causing Jack to swing violently. He hobbles off as well, steadying himself beside me with confused eyes.

"We were just-" I start, but Nick cuts me off.

"Get out." He spits. The words twist as they leave his mouth, morphing into daggers that stab me straight into my heart.

"Nick I-"

"I said go!" he says, his voice carrying all the way to me and Jack, causing me to flinch.

"Hey man, don't talk to her like that," Jack says, wrapping his arm around me protectively. His voice is gruff. "It's just a treehouse. There's no reason to pop a lung over it."

Jack wraps his hand in mine and leads me towards the door. As I grow closer to Nick, I try my hardest to avoid his gaze.

But I can't.

Because there's something about Nick, something that always draws me in. It drew me in when I first saw him, throwing hay bales in the barn, and the same magnetic energy is pulling me towards him now.

My eyes look at his, and what I see nearly kills me inside.

Because what I see isn't anger. It isn't hurt, or longing, or regret. I would have even settled for disgust.

Because what I see as I stare into his eyes, his bright brown eyes, is nothing.

I see nothing.

Suddenly, I can't ignore it, the feelings that I have for Nick, and if I don't fix it now, I don't know if I will ever be able to.

I tear my hand from Jack's and stand in front of Nick. "Can we just talk?"

He stares at me, his jaw ticking. He inhales a sharp breath, before responding.

"Please," he pleads, his voice softer. "Go."

His voice cracks as he says it, and my heart cracks along with him. In his eyes, I see the hurt that he had hidden so well. I try my best to be vulnerable, to let him see the hurt in my eyes too. But he turns his head, staring down at his feet, and I know the moment is over.

As I tear my eyes from him, my brain reminds me that what I'm doing is wrong.

Why am I torturing him like this? Why do I need to see hurt in his face if I know that I'm the one that caused it? So that I know if he cares? How selfish must I be to want him to endure hurt just to reassure myself?

I mumble a quick, "I'm sorry" to Nick before walking away from him with Jack at my heels.

Jack walks beside me, his expression unreadable, but all I care about is Nick. When did I start to put my feelings above everyone else's?

We walk in silence for a while. The forest is now dark, the shadows of the trees whipping and whirling, making the forest seem as if it's alive itself. It's enough to make me scared on a normal day, but now, I'm just numb. Jack's hands dig into his pockets as he seems to contemplate something.

"So how long has something been going on between you too?" he asks. My head whips towards him, but his expression is unreadable.

"I...I don't know what you're talking about," I stammer.

"You don't have to lie to me Leighton." His mouth morphs into a melancholy smile. "Trust me, you were never good at it."

We continue walking in silence, and I struggle to find the right words to say. How do I tell him that something between me and him has changed during this summer? Or that I've changed?

I settle for: "I'm sorry."

He lets out a sigh and my heart wrenches. No. No. No. This isn't how I wanted this to go. I didn't want anyone to get hurt, but it seems that I've done the opposite.

"How long have you known?" he asks.

I stare down at my shoes. "Known what?"

"That you love him."

Love.

Love is a big feeling. One that I'm too young to be feeling, surely. But as the words leave Jack's mouth I realize something.

They're true.

I love Nick.

But when did I fall for him?

Was it the first time that I saw him? Was it later, the night we kissed besides his father's desk? Or was it earlier, when we were eight years old? Before I even knew what love was.

When we were young and we would play together as our moms gossiped on the porch, did I know, somehow, that our souls would be tied together in the future? That the force that pulled us together then would leave us entwined now?

My mind races with emotions. Fear, excitement, confusion. But most of all, disappointment. Because the moment that I figure out the true depth of my emotion, the moment that I stop running from what I've known all along, I can't tell him.

The moment I figure it out, I'm with another guy while Nick stands heartbroken, alone, in our tree house.

What have I done?

Jack stares at me, expectantly, and I mutter, "I don't know."

He stares at me with glassy eyes. "Then what are you doing here? Go find him." I can hear the raw hurt in his voice, and I want to cry.

"Jack," I start, but he cuts me off.

"Don't worry about me Leighton, I'll be fine. Just promise me one thing."

I nod my head, feeling tears well up in my eyes. "Anything."

"When you come back home, can we still be friends? I think the only thing worse than this would be if we don't talk at all. I'd miss you too much." A single tear rolls down his cheek, and he quickly wipes at it. I nod my head viciously.

"I'm so sorry Jack." I say, and now I'm crying, no sobbing, because I have hurt the guy that has done nothing but treated me amazing. The guy that I've known forever. The guy that I should pick.

He wraps me in his arms as I sob into his chest. He rests his head on top of mine, stroking my hair.

"It's okay Leighton. Don't worry about me." His voice wavers, and I can tell that he's holding back tears.

When did everything become so screwed up?

He holds me like that for a while. When my shoulders stop shaking so violently and I calm down, he lets me go. We step apart, but he still rests his hands on my shoulders. His eyes are red.

"I think that I'm going to head back to Ohio tonight."

"But you just got here, and it's such a long drive-"

"I said don't worry about me," he says, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Go and find Nick."

I look in his eyes for any sign of what he's thinking but all that I see is sincerity.

"So, I guess this is goodbye for a while?" I say.

He wears a sad smile. "I guess it is."

We pause, neither of us wanting to be the first to say it.

"Goodbye, Leighton."

I take one last look at him. One last look at what my summer should have been. What I wanted it to be for so long. But things have changed.

I take a deep, wavering breath.

"Goodbye, Jack."

And with that, I head towards the unknown.