Jump

Chapter 23

January 3rd

Snow softly falls around me, and I wish so desperately the frozen sensation would make me feel anything. But all I can manage to feel is numb. I tune out the words being spoken around, and watch as the snow hits the ground and the flowers that linger beside the coffin.

"On behalf of the family, thank you all for coming."

I don't move. I don't even avert my eyes.

Countless people hug, shake hands, and shuffle out of their chairs, and into my line of view.

I stay seated, staring at the dark coffin in front of me. Why God? What damage in this world could he have done for him to deserve this? And how am I supposed to go on with my life knowing he'll never be in it again?

A handful of people come up to me, but if I'm being honest I have no idea which people they were. I finally stand, hoping to escape the crowd unnoticed.

I notice a familiar silhouette standing in the back, leaning up against the tree. God, who's going to tell these guys that a pair of sunglasses wasn't a disguise? I stock over, somewhat undetected.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

He continues to look down at the ground, saying nothing. I swallow, hoping to make the lump in my throat disappear. But it hasn't left since he died.

"Look at me!" I demand, shoving his shoulder.

"Does hitting me do it for you or something?"

I scoff and stomp off. How dare he? How dare he show up here?

"Wait, Bridgit-" my body is brought to a halt as a hand grabs my forearm.

"No!" I scream, causing many heads to turn our way. As badly as I want to tell people to stop staring at me, I find myself focused entirely on not punching him in the face.

"You don't just get to come back here and show up here and—and why are you here? To make things worse?"

"No!"

"Then why?!" I demand.

"I know you needed me." He shoves his hands in his pockets.

"I never needed you." I hiss.

"Bridgit-"

"Just go, Stephan!" I try to shove his chest again, but instead he embraces me. It's enough to send me into sobs, suddenly squeezing him too much.

"I'm here. I've always been here."

And I know it's a lie, but I don't say anything. Because all I need right now is for him to keep holding me.

***

"Hey," I close myself into a closet and press the phone to my ear while plugging the other with my finger.

"Hey, you."

His voice is enough to send me into tears. I breathe out a shaky breath through pursed lips, trying so desperately not to break down again. I'm so sick of crying.

"Oh, don't cry Bree." Caleb says quickly.

"I'm sorry," I choke out a sob.

He says nothing as I compose myself, mumbling out apologies as I try to calm down again.

"I'm just here to listen. I won't ask questions, but if you want to let anything out, I'm here."

I breathe again, and a sob comes out.

"I just- I don't get why he'd drive drunk. He knows better. He's stupid but- God I can't even be mad in the right way because it was his fault."

"No one's saying you can't grieve your brother."