Spark

17 - Are You Okay?

I need just a bit of sweet love–Bitter Sweet Love.

I'm still flushed crimson when I crawl into bed for the night. I also have this ridiculously huge grin on my lips and my mood has been extremely heightened and well managed since him. I'd been really upset seeing his face when he crossed our threshold earlier tonight but when he left, all I wanted was for him to cross it back. We'd spent the rest of the evening watching a movie with Kayla and Charlotte and nothing more had happened. It was all just bicker and banter while I silently prayed for them to leave the room.

They did not.

I toss around my bed for the umpteenth time and press my hands to my warm cheeks. The moonlight seeping in from my window alerts me to the open entrance and I get off my bed to shut it.

I'm just about to pull it close when I notice the two people in front of the Bryants' house. My room has the perfect view of the street leading down, hence the perfect view of their home and I recognise the two individuals as Miles and Veronica.

She's crying again. He says something. She lunges at him. She's got her hands wrapped around his neck. Her face is buried in the crook of his neck. He's wrapping a hand around her waist. He's holding her still.

This scenario looks familiar. Like déjà vu but in an out of body way.

My hand tightens around my window frame.

They're looking up at each other now. He's wiping her tears.

My heart plummets. I think it shatters. I don't know. I can't tell. My breath has gone cold. My eyes sting. I feel so strange. Yet this feeling is so familiar.

He runs a hand down her hair. Her straight, long, pretty hair. He's cupping her face...

I pull my window shut, not bothering about the thundering sound it makes. I take a moment. To breathe? I can breathe. Why do I need a moment? I am not bothered with him. He's vile, I always knew that. So why am I crying? Why isn't it stopping? Why am I actually excreting fluid from my eyes right now?

I know. Because I'm stupid. It's because I'm so fucking stupid.

Stupid me.

My head keeps telling me we knew this was going to happen but my heart keeps falling down an endless hole.

It.

Just.

Keeps.

Falling.

×××

I wake up with major consequences. Eye bags. The absolute worst. They're practically a post notification on my face alerting people to the tears I'd shed last night.

I spend my morning watching YouTube videos to try and get rid of them before showering and taking relief in the fact that my shower had toned it down a bit. It's still there though. Charlotte makes that very obvious as I walk into the kitchen this morning.

Her eyes widen and she drops the spoon she'd been holding into her bowl of cereals. "Did you attempt some sort of failed surgery last night? What is up with your face?"

I shake my head and subconsciously touch the messy bun I'd forced my hair into today. "Nothing. I don't want to talk about it."

I open up the fridge and grab an apple. I don't plan on taking a seat because I don't want any more questions so I approach the door instead.

"Cheer up, Starr," Charlotte says before I step out. I turn to look at her with a quirked brow and she shrugs. "I'm supposed to say something really profound right now or something funny to lift your mood. I'm neither of those things. So, cheer up. You're so much more fun then." She adds with a laugh.

Her laugh triggers a small smile from me and I mouth a small, "Thanks." before walking out the door.

A couple of minutes later I walk into school and meet Morgan with a similar reaction. I wish people would just have a sensor for when to shut up when you don't want to speak.

"Start talking," She gasps, returning the bag of chips in her hand to her backpack. She reaches out to touch my face but I step back. "What happened?"

I really don't want this sympathy.

Is it even real?

"I'm fine," I respond, almost robotically. "I don't want to talk about it."

I wish I was mute again.

Miles chooses that moment to walk down the hallway perpendicular to this one with another, unfamiliar girl next to him.

I turn away and roll my eyes at my pathetic-ness?

"Starr," Morgan calls out, pulling me back to look at her. Of course, she catches sight of Miles before he completely disappears from view. If only, he'd disintegrate off the face of the Earth as well. "Did something happen with him?"

I pull open my locker and shake my head. "I really don't want to talk about this so let's not."

×××

When Maths class rolls around, I'm filled with so much dread that I almost consider ringing up Guinness World Record to come put me in their book. No one has ever been this anxious over a guy.

It takes me five minutes to build up the courage to walk into class and I do that early so I don't have to see his face while I'm walking in. The class slowly fills up and Colton appears among the early ones. He smiles when he walks past to sit on the chair behind me.

"Einstein," He calls out when he's settled. Uncharacteristically for him, he has a set of black headphones around his neck and his hair is a bit more disheveled than usual. His smile is still there, though. Really pretty too. "Are you okay?"

I can't stand that question anymore.

I bite down on my bottom lip to stop it from wobbling because when people keep asking if you're fine, you slowly start to become not fine.

I feel his presence then. I mean, I smell him too. His scent is embedded within my senses. He takes his usual seat next to me and I feel his eyes on me.

I'm pivoted around, staring at Colton, who's expectantly waiting for my answer and he's got his eyes on me, assessing every bit of me.

"Starr...?" He starts to say but I cut his words short.

"Is it okay if I sit next to you today?" I strangle out to Colton and I watch his eyes widen a bit but then he shrugs like it's no big deal.

"Yeah, sure," He grins. "I could really use your big brain in here, you know?"

I grab my bag and move to the chair behind Miles', all the whole avoiding eye contact with him. However, he pivots to look at me the moment I'm settled.

His hand instinctively reaches out to touch my face but I move away from him. Concern lace his features and he almost fools me. "What happened?"

God, he even sounds enraged. He could have really fooled me.

I ignore him and he runs a frustrated hand through his hair. I don't even look at him.

The girl from the library walks in at that moment and takes my seat next to him. "Miles!" She shrieks happily.

I lift my eyes to his.

This is what's wrong.

The girl has his attention now though.

Colton lets out a low whistle next to me. "Yeah, I get the complicated part now."