Deathless

Chapter 28: Jackson

I'm leaning against a pillar in the circular glass dome in front of Death's office. The universe peers in through the glass, observing me through the eyes of a million stars. Ornate candelabras flood the dark space with a dusky glow, throwing shadows across the statues that surround me. I feel him here, his presence, and for the first time, I almost miss him.

The chill in the air mirrors the frost creeping over my soul. What I'm doing... I can already feel the black hole it's creating inside me. Beside me is a small pile of papers - one death, and half a dozen alternatives. Millie's page is bunched up in my hand. I'm scared to let it go. The thin, crisp paper is curling in the corners. The smell of fresh ink from Louis's fevered typing is churning my stomach. I'd spent so much time planning, learning Carmel's schedule, and working out the kinks in our scheme with Lucius and Thomas. It had been easy to bury what I was really doing deep down.

I was going to kill someone.

Loud, slow footsteps move towards me. Their shadow shrouds me in darkness. I look up and see Thomas's tall form looming there, his lips tight, his face stoic.

"Is Lucius..?"

"Still with Ginny? Yep." He sinks down next to me with a grunt, leaning back on the same pillar, his body at a ninety-degree angle to mine. He stares at the black statues circling us. The Moirai, Death's sisters, peer down at Thomas as I continue to stare at his door. As if Death might suddenly walk out and greet me. As if he might stop me. "They've spent how many years making small talk about the weather and now... I think we might need to get our tuxes dry cleaned, Jax." Snorting, I twist to look at my friend as I laugh bitterly. I hope Lucius gets what he wants. I hope being with Ginny makes him happy. They have all eternity to be together, and a petty part of me is so jealous I burn with it.

"So... this is the chosen one? Millie's alter?" He picks up the sheet perched next to the others and I don't stop him. He scans it quickly and then whistles.

"Not much of a contest, then."

"He's a monster. He's hurt countless people and was sentenced to a lifetime in prison until he almost died escaping. After decades and decades, he would have died in a coma, died old in a bed he'd never left. A total waste of a terrible life. Imagine what Millie could do with that time?" I glance at Thomas, as if I'm trying to convince him, but it's me I'm battling with. Not that I have doubts—I don't. I just know I will spend the rest of my days walking this earth with a shard of my heart missing. A sacrifice I was more than willing to make, but one that I needed to grieve, anyway.

Thomas is silent for a long time.

"Does it matter to you? Does it matter if they're a monster or someone's kid, someone's wife?"

"Of course, it matters!" I snap, the thought horrifying me. I'd been lucky, I knew that. When Lucius had dragged the alternatives from the archives, I'd felt sick, weaker and more afraid than when I waited for my own death to claim me. The first five alternatives, they'd just been normal people, not especially good, not especially bad. A mix of old and young. And then I'd come across him. I'd never been so grateful there was evil in the world.

"Would it have stopped you? If someone like this... animal wasn't an option?"

I say nothing because I don't know the answer. I'd sacrifice my life in a moment so Millie could have hers, but would I be willing to sacrifice just anyone to save her? Did I really want to know the answer?

"I'm not trying to be an asshole, I'm just... you don't have to do this. You can change your mind. Go back in there, put the Plan back to how it was."

"I can't do that."

"You can. And we won't judge you if you do. In fact... " Thomas swallows, but then shakes his head and remains silent. He gets up, groaning as he drags his body into standing. He dusts himself off and walks around the circular room, glancing upwards at the universe as it surrounds us. His steps were slow and heavy, his breathing deep. "You're a good friend, Jax. And sometimes helping a good friend is protecting them from themselves. From the worst of them. Do you understand?"

I watch him for a moment, at the serious expression on his face. Out of all of us, he'd enjoyed the spectacle of putting the plan into action, but now, the adrenalin fading, the reality settling over us both was too heavy to ignore.

"I'm sorry I dragged you and Lucius into this. It was wrong of me."

He shrugs, kicking a small loose rock across the floor, and stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"Don't be. Whatever happens, it will all be over soon, right? You'll get your girl?" He grins at me, a sharp white smile I knew so well. I can't quite match it, but I try.

More footsteps echo down the hall and into the dome. Lucius strides in. Eyes wide, a confident swagger he usually lacks and a smile that could light up the world. He sees us both and just beams broader.

"What with the faces? We did it!" He raises his fist into the air and whoops.

"Did you just whoop?" Thomas mutters, looking as horrified as me. "That's the most terrifying thing I've ever seen. Jackson, you said we were risking eternal damnation. Nobody said anything about Lucius whooping?"

I chuckle, and Lucius shoots him the finger.

"You made the switch?" Lucius asks still wide-eyed and energised like he had electricity shooting through his veins.

"We did," I say, with a smile. I hold up the paper, the one that clearly refers to Millie as an alter. Proof that this death now belonged to someone else. Both Lucius and Thomas grin at each other, before their eyes return to me once more.

"And Carmel? Did the sand work how I predicted?"

I swallow. A lump grows in my throat at the memory of the Ghoul under my command. Of my reflection transforming into the Grim Reaper's as I'd stared into the rusty metal of the typewriter. My stomach clenches, but I keep my face neutral. I don't know what it means—I don't know what any of it means. And I don't want to. Millie is all I want to think about. Saving her and savouring every moment we share until Death returns and tears us apart.

I pull myself up awkwardly, my limbs stiff, and I adjust my clothes. All the while avoiding their curious glances and thoughtful expressions. When I finally look up, Thomas has cocked his head curiously. Lucius is looking around the room. Lost in his own thoughts, his own victory.

"Yeah, it worked fine. I've left Carmel in the Temple, sleeping it off. I'll check in on her in a little while, make sure she wakes up OK." I shrug casually, before shooting them one of my best grins.

"I knew it," Thomas spits. "I knew it could work. So... what's next?"

"I have to adjust the paperwork in the archives. Get Jackson a new file for his shift." Lucius's eyes narrow as he thinks hard on what he needs to do.

"Let's go." I rush forward, my friends striding behind me as we head down the hallway and towards the archives. "And I want to hear all about what happened with Ginny? Was she gentle? Or totally brutal when she said hell no?"

"She shot your ass down, right?" Thomas teases.

"I hate you both." Lucius shakes his head but smirks wildly at our teasing. Our laughter echoes through the darkened rooms.