entirely right (professorreidxreader)

𝐭𝐞𝐧

end of TW- but there is still insinuations

It's rather cold. You try to turn up the heat but you still feel cold. It's odd because you typically run warm, the heat is almost never on in your apartment. You lean back against your bed frame, a blanket draped over your shoulders, debating wether or not you're going to call in sick. The text Spencer sent you is still floating in the fore front of your mind but you don't know how to respond. You want him, you need him but the thought of letting anyone, especially Spencer, see you in this state is sickening. You pick up your phone to see a few more missed calls from Spencer, you feel awful leaving him in the dark like this but you don't know what to say, how to explain why you brushed him off so fast.

The initial shock of the moment wore a off by the time you got home and now you just felt empty, all that was left was the feelings of blame and doubt bouncing around inside you. Then there was the self preservation. At least he didn't do more. At least it was only a kiss. At least Spencer was there. It made you feel stupid for being so upset, so scared. It wasn't so bad, other people have it worse. You stare at your reflection in the mirror across from your bed.
You look wrecked with red puffy eyes and smudged makeup, your lips swollen from anxiously chewing them. You can't be alone with your thoughts anymore, it's not going to help. You pick up your phone and click on Spencer's contact, listening as the the phones rings three times before you hear a familiar voice.

"Y/N? Oh thank god, are you okay? I- we should really talk when you're ready. I talked to George and he said the most bizarre things and I really, really hope you're okay. Are you safe?" He cuts his rambling short and you can almost feel his worry through the phone. You open your mouth to speak but can't fine the words "you know what, I'm calling and saying you're sick and Ill be in late. Stay put, I'll be there in approximately thirteen minutes. Okay?"

"Ok."

—
Spencer arrives in exactly thirteen minutes and when you open the door he rushes in and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a hug which he quickly steps always from "I'm sorry- I should've asked if I could hug you," he peers into your eyes, which are still glossed over with fresh tears. You lean into his chest, Spencer's touch is one you could never push away, he makes you feel safe and you don't think you've ever felt that way before. You haven't managed to let yourself cry since the whole ordeal but as soon as you feel Spencer begin to slowly stroke your hair, pressing kisses into the top of your head, you break down. Tears fall down your cheeks, blurring your vision and you're crying to hard you barely notice Spencer guide you to the couch, pulling you into his lap where you curl your head into the crook of his shoulder, he brings his legs up so he's lying on the couch and you extend your body so your in between him and the pillows, your head on his chest. Spencer keeps one arm around your waist, holding you against him, the other strokes your hair as he whispers to you repeatedly "its going to be okay, you're going to be okay."

"I would never let anyone hurt you ever again, Y/N, I would do anything, and I mean anything, to keep you safe for the rest of your life." He finally breaks his pattern after what feels like hours of crying "I've never said this to anyone before but I mean it. All I want is for you to be okay," you feel a loosening in your chest as he kisses you firmly on the top of your head "but I'm going to let you do things on your own terms, I'm not going play hero. Although if you want me to kill him. I'll kill him."

You can't help but laugh softly, shaking your head "no no no," you turn your head up to look at him "I really appreciate this, Spence, but I think I'll be okay, I just need to be here with you for a little bit." You sit up, wiping your tears on your sleeve. "I really needed to cry," you sigh and lean back into Spencer's chest. He feels so comforting with his arms resting around you, your cheek pressed firmly into his shoulder, the TV running in the background. It feels normal again. You feel okay.

You eventually hear light snores from Spencer as he falls asleep, his arms still holding you and the silence, the stillness, it gives you time to think. Do you want to tell Spencer all the details? Do you want to go to Dr.Collins? You glance up and see Spencer, he finally looks peaceful, his seemingly incidente train of thought halted for a brief moment. He doesn't need to know. He already understands. He doesn't need anything more weighing down on him. He wants you to feel safe and you, more than anything, want him to be care free, even if it's just for a day. Perhaps you'll go to Dr.Collins on your own. Pay her a visit after class and try to get that pathetic coworker of yours fired. He seemed to confident when he spoke to you, it made you wonder if he had done that to anyone else. The thought sends shivers up your spine, and you find yourself balling your fists, grabbing bits of Spencer's shirt as you do.

Suddenly you feel Spencer's arms leave you and he brings his hand to yours, loosening your fist and entwining his fingers with yours "what's wrong?" You hear him whisper, sleep still heavy in his voice. You shake your head, comparing your smaller frail hands to his larger, veiny ones. "You seem better,   Y/N, your heart rate is at a normal level and your body temperature is raised, suggesting higher blood flow which is often induced by feelings of safety and happiness."

You sit up, moving one leg to either side of Spencer's hips, straddling him. He shifts so he's sitting up, his back reseted against the arm of the couch. "I do feel better. I feel safer." You lean down, pressing a kiss to Spencer's lips, slowly you begin to kiss him more passionately, pressing your hips against his. Suddenly you pull a way, shaking  your head, a strange feeling shaking through your body, a mix of fear, regret and shame swirling inside of you. "I'm sorry," you lower your head, staring at the floor behind Spencer "I can't." You whisper. You feel Spencer tense underneath you, when you finally meet his eyes their heavy and dark.

"Don't you ever, and I mean ever apologize for having boundaries, Star," he looks you in the eyes and you can tell he means it "remember, we do things on your terms, okay?" You nod, smoothing out the collar of his shirt "now, do you want some lunch? Have you eaten yet? I know it might be difficult to go back to daily routines but after I went to prison I learned that's it makes it easier to cope if you go back to familiar routines, in fact in a study showed that routines can impro-"

"You went to prison?" you watch as his face drops slightly, but he simply smiles and slides you off his lap, standing up and stretching.

"so... lunch?"