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─── ❝ 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐞𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐥 ❞ ───
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I CAN NO LONGER recall a time I haven't been running. I've been on my feet almost all my life, leaving behind the dangers brought upon me.
I've been told that even as a small child, my first steps were closer to a sprint than anything. I'm filled with fears I hate admitting to, but they still lie beneath my skin. Aching my bones, pulsating through my bloodstream. What if i'm never able to stop running? I keep having dreams about them. The walkers. I was out there too long, and my mind is now worn thin. I'll never forget them. When I close my eyes, all I see are the things that aren't even here anymore. Lost ones. My own mother, Sophia, Amy, Dale.
Hell, I even still think about Shane at times. When you loose someone, all you can think about is the good they've done. The bad dissipates, leaving a hole beneath our chests. As humans, it's our nature.
Other instances, I see red. Red when I rise at the crack of sun. Red — as I lay and close my eyes. The air I breathe is derelict, because I am ruined. This world ruined me.
Though, there is someone who if just momentarily allows me to forget. She treats that built up rage as if it were a real part of me, but it only heightens with her. I've failed at protecting my share of people. I've gotten people hurt; people killed, but I just can't fail this time. Not with her. I know what kind of person she is. She's scared, like me. She's not so eager to admit it but, I see it in her. I know it's there, because it lives inside us both.
I wanted to be able to keep her safe, but it's impossible to care for someone who does not accept what they deserve.
We kissed a few nights ago, but it felt like the second we pulled away, it had already slipped her mind. I started wondering if I really meant something to her, the same way she meant something to me. Then, she told me to forget it. It had never happened in her mind. I was just a distraction from the pain she felt in her chest, and none of it was ever real. I wanted it to be real.
