52. Jackpot

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-Troy-

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-Troy-


I knew he couldn't help it when he had to go to Australia. His grandmother was important to him, and I would've done the same. I didn't blame him, not at all, but when he was away, I couldn't help myself for thinking it was so unfair that he had to go. For a short moment, I hadn't felt so alone and lost in this world. And the next day he'd had to leave.

In a way, it was a good thing that he left. Him being gone for three weeks had given me time to think about things. I was really able to focus on myself, and how I felt about him, when he wasn't there, sending longing looks in my direction.

During those three weeks, I thought about him a lot. I thought about our date, and even more about our kiss. When enough time had passed, it was getting harder for me to remember why it had felt so good and right. I mean, kissing another guy? It couldn't be that good, could it? I was sure I had been just glorifying it because I felt so lonely. It couldn't be that much different from kissing girls. In fact, it had to be worse, because he was a guy. I was just so messed up that I thought it was great. And that thought of me being held by him... Having sex with him some day... That was just wrong.

So... When he suddenly stood there right in front of me, looking like he was dying to touch me, looking scared and timid and embarrassed because of it... And that hopeful gaze he gave me, the happiness shining in his eyes when I pulled him inside, his scent when I hugged him, his warm arms around me, that faint blush on his cheeks when my gaming buddies called him my boyfriend...

His lips on mine...

...I knew my memories didn't do justice to how good it all felt.

I had no idea why it was so hot to sit on his lap. Why did I feel so small and protected when he was holding me by the hips? Why did those little growling sounds he made while we kissed gave me the shivers? How could it feel so dangerous and safe at the same time, and why did I enjoy it so much?

I was such a mess, but I started to think that maybe it was just normal. Maybe everyone else felt the same when starting a relationship. Oh, the fuck did I even care anymore? I had his tongue in my throat and I loved it. Case closed.

I couldn't get enough of it. I had dreamed about kissing him for three weeks straight, and that was the only way I could use the word 'straight' anymore. If I had known how hot it would be to make out with a guy, I would have declared myself gay a long time ago.

I had to pull away from him when my lips grew too sore to continue. We were both panting heavily, and I leaned my head against his to gain my strength back. I had never, ever, found another guy attractive, but truthfully, I had never met a girl who could make such an utter mess out of me either. There was something about Luke that was beyond genders and physical appearances.

It was about his soul. I was sure of it.

"Wow..." he muttered and bit his lower lip. "Didn't see that coming..."

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