𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐅 𝐀 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓, jeremiah fisher

six. happy birthday, belly

I WALK HOME by myself after telling Susannah I'm not feeling well. She offered to drive me, but I told her I just wanted to walk. After what happened with Jeremiah and what he had said, I really didn't think I could stay there any longer. I need some time to just think and forget about my pathetic life for a while.

For a while, I just walk around. I breathe in the fresh, summer air only Cousins can produce. The breeze is so familiar. It's like an old friend I haven't seen in years, and when I do, nothing has changed between us.

I decide to walk down the trail of the beach and sit down in the sand. The ocean looms in the distance, the moon's light reflecting onto its unsteady surface. It's all so painfully the same, and yet, everything has changed. I no longer feel like the carefree teenage girl I used to be. The one who lived without regrets and did whatever the hell she wanted whenever the hell she felt like it.

When did everything get so fucked up?

I stay there in the sand for maybe an hour. I don't keep count. When I finally get back home, no one is there. I fall asleep before anyone else comes back.

✧ ✦ ✧

I WAKE UP earlier than usual because my sister is turning sixteen today. When I get downstairs, it turns out I'm not as early as I thought. Everyone apart from Belly is already down. Mom and Steven are making Mickey Mouse pancakes for Belly while Susannah gets the table ready. Conrad is sitting down with Jeremiah standing on his other side.

I do my best to ignore him. Obviously, my best isn't enough.

Walking over to Conrad, I ruffle his hair. He doesn't look up, but I see him roll his eyes and I chuckle to myself lightly. I say good morning to everyone and then walk over to help with the pancakes. As I'm flipping them in the pan, I feel someone's eyes on me.

Before I can turn around to look at him, Belly enters the kitchen. "Morning, everyone."

There's a chatter that breaks out as everyone says happy birthday to her. Susannah hugs her first, and I follow behind to hug her. I guess Jeremiah has the same idea.

As we're walking up to Belly, we're about to bump into each other. I sidestep at the last second when I see where I'm going, and he stares at me. I look back at him briefly before I turn to Belly and give her a huge smile.

Hugging her, I say, "Happy birthday, shithead."

"Thanks, asshole."

We pull away and she grins at me brightly. I beam back at her and then move away so that Jeremiah can hug her. I look away when he does.

"Your Micky Mouse pancakes are ready," Mom tells Belly after she hugs her and wishes her a happy birthday.

"Actually, I'm not really hungry," she replies.

"Oh."

I frown and look over at Conrad who doesn't meet my eyes.

"Shall we open gifts?" Susannah suggests, easing the awkward tension.

"Oh," Jeremiah exclaims with a happy smile. "You're gonna love mine."

He looks at her in such a loving way that I feel like just curling up into a ball and never getting up. I see the shy smile on Belly's face and I bite the inside of my cheek hard enough so that there's a metallic taste in my mouth. Maybe Belly and Jeremiah really are meant to be.

We all head over to the living room, and Belly opens all her gifts. Mom gets her a book of poems with Susannah's favorite on the bookmarked page. We laugh as we recite the poem Susannah taught us so long ago.