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"when death takes your hand, hold me with the other and promise to find me in every lifetime"
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To say the last couple days have been a collection of the worst moments of my life would be an understatement.
The waiting, the uncertainty, the sympathetic looks on the doctors' faces. The numbness everyone is burdened by, the helplessness we feel.
It is all torture.
Her surgery was successful, at least that's what the doctors said, but I think that's bullshit. If it was successful, she would be fine right now. She would be awake and at home, cuddled into my arms and talking to me about her new favourite book.
But no, she's still unconscious. She's still in a fucking coma.
I tried doing research on her condition last night. I wrote down the terms the doctors and nurses kept throwing around, and I pulled out my laptop and stayed up all night reading. But no matter how many articles I read and videos I watched, I'm still completely ignorant to the details. All I know is Delaney is not okay.
I couldn't process one bit of information, the medical explanation of it all is beyond me. I couldn't for the life of me focus on what I was trying to read. My brain just picked out keywords like a seriouscondition, permanent damage, and death. It filled me with a sense of fear and terror I didn't know was possible.
By now, news has gotten out, and extended family and friends are sending their regards.
There are about fifty bouquets of flowers flooding the room, all different kids, more than I can even name. Yet, not one bouquet is her favourite flower.
Snowdrops are nowhere to be seen.
But that was purposeful.
We don't know how long she's going to be in this room, unconscious, pale, so so still.
Flowers die.
None of us wanted to see snowdrops in her room, wilted, droopy, dead.
We saw the symbolism in that.
It felt menacing.
And all too real.
She should be awake, happy, and safe when snowdrops are in the room. She would want to be so she could appreciate them.
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It's a new day and yet I'm living in the same horrible reality.
Something about today is different. There's an energy in the air, and I think we all feel it. It feels grave, ominous.
