sometimes rain, sometimes rainbow - poetry collection

lina

sweet nothings that mean nothing
slip from his mouth to mine,
he kisses me with such desperation,
gripping my neck, my throat:
it should've meant something to you.
you never called me by my name,
just some mondegreen you made up.

my love is in the leaves you ripped apart
replacing the peonies you gave me with my heart.
you ate it.
you begged to eat me.
to swallow me whole.
it should have meant something,
when you begged to destroy me.

i rot in your arms,
and dream of the child i never had,
crying over the nonexistent child you chose over me,
i should have meant something to you.

you held me with such determined strong arms,
i felt safe,
and now the room i sleep in
smells of you, and the walls are washed in blood.
the room i sleep in is no longer safe, thanks to you.
i wish i meant something to you.

my head cradled in your hands,
remembers the feeling of being held down.
i shouldn't have let you vilify sex
now my throats raw because of you.

i was tired of breaking alone,
so i let you do it.
and now my slice of heaven has turned hell,
with your image burned into my eyes.
i wish i meant more to you.