Toast of the Season

❖ Chapter 34 ❖

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Tuesday
I am up before daybreak. I did not sleep at all well. I have been worrying over Lizzy's quick departure and headache yesterday. I think back to when the butler announced her arrival, I wish I had gone to her right away instead of finishing arranging the marriage banns with the local pastor. 

I was happy that Fred brought our friend Bradford for a visit, he has been out of the country for several years. But I wish I had not let him keep me from Lizzy for so long. I hope she isn't upset that I made her wait. It isn't like her, she is usually so accommodating. But I know that it was very near a half hour before I found her gone from the parlor. The butler only said that she had urgent business at home, but then I was told by Bea that Lizzy was ill with a headache.

As I lie here in bed with my eyes closed against the dawn creeping through the curtains, I take a deep breath. I will see her today at least. Yesterday, my mother and I picked out the food for the wedding breakfast without her. I was sure to include choices that Lizzy likes. And I insisted there were no oysters or caviar.

I smile with the thought that she will be my wife. I can almost laugh at myself that I didn't realize sooner how much I regard her. Love her. My eyes spring open at my use of that word. Do I really love her already? The recognition of the truth brings a smile to my face. Yes, I do very much love her. I love everything about her, in fact. How did it take me so long to realize that what I was feeling was love? My only excuse is that I am a complete and utter idiot, as William often reminds me.

I hope I find a moment to tell Lizzy today. I want her to know that I am utterly and completely in love with her and have been for some time. I would have never thought that any woman could make me so happy. She is perfect for me. So sweet and kind, wanting to teach Tanner to read and going toe to toe with the cook to get the servants better food. Which honestly she should never have had to do. The whole ordeal showed me that I need to be more attentive to details on my estate. She will be a wonderful partner, we will run the estate together. My heart beats faster with the thought of us together at Beaumont.

I can't help but chuckle when I think back to her laughing as she rode in the cart to the windmill. Lizzy is such fun yet so intelligent. I would like to build her a whole laboratory for her science experiments. I will have her work with the architect to design something that is just right for her.

There was never a woman that made me feel the things Lizzy does. When we kissed in the solarium, I completely lost myself to her. I had no idea kisses could be that nice but now she has awoken a beast inside of me and I am constantly thinking of holding her, kissing her, touching her. My heart beats a little faster as I imagine it. I get to be with her in every way for the rest of my life. I almost ache with the thought of having to wait months to be with her as a husband. 

I wonder if she would be opposed to sleeping in the same bed once we are married. My parents always had separate bedrooms but I really don't intend to be parted from my wife. I want to keep her with me all night, every night. I remember holding Lizzy in the library and I need her to sleep in my arms like that again. In fact, we may not get out of bed for the first week after the wedding. That thought makes me smile even more.

I knew my mother would warm to the idea of Lizzy being my wife, but I did not realize it would happen so quickly. She fainted, went to bed, and woke up the next morning with a dream of the wedding fresh in her mind. She talked ceaselessly over the next days of every detail of the wedding breakfast, ceremony, and parties. After Lizzy and her visited with the seamstress, my mother could talk of nothing but how beautiful Lizzy will look in her gown. 

My mother seems to think we are arranging a royal wedding, the one in her dream apparently. She has some notion of having several bridesmaids and groomsmen standing up with us instead of just the usual two witnesses. And also she seems to think they all need to be in matching clothing. She wants to coordinate the dresses with the flowers with the candles. It is honestly way too much. But as long as after the ceremony, I can take my Lizzy home with me for good, I will go along with whatever she plans.