The Bad Guys: Child Reader Insert

Chapter One: Shared Birthdays

For the context of the story, the bank robbery and the Good Samaritan awards happen on the same day.

"Stop!"

"I'll stop if you just explain it to me because I don't..."

"Would you please just drop it?"

"All right, all right, fine, fine, fine, fine."

Two friends sat at a table in a local diner. Mr. Wolf was wearing a white suit and sat on one end of the booth while Mr. Snake was wearing a Hawaiian shirt and fishing hat and sat on the other end of the booth. Between them, sat a newspaper displaying that the Love Crater Meteorite will be on display at the Gala for Goodness.

"Consider it dropped. It's dropped. It's on the ground." Wolf said.

"Good." The snake confirmed. He poured a creamer pod into his coffee before his friend spoke again.

"But, I mean, come on, everybody loves birthdays." Wolf rebutted. Snake groaned before Wolf continued, "You got decorations, you got balloons, you got parties and cake." Wolf listed.

"Look. I don't need presents, I don't want decorations, and I'm not a cake guy." Snake denied.

"Seriously, though, you don't like cake? Name one food better than cake."

"Guinea pig." Snake held up his spoon before dropping it into his cup.

"Again, with the guinea pig." Wolf handed Snake the sugar, who began pouring it into his coffee. He chuckled, "I bet if I blindfolded you, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between a skunk and a guinea pig."

Snake slammed the sugar onto the table with a loud, "Wrong! Snakes have impeccable taste buds. I can taste air."

"Air?"

"Yes. Air." Snake used his tongue to sniff the air before slouching with a hum and a "Nice." He brought his coffee to his mouth and began licking the mountain of sugar that sat on top.

Wolf brought his legs up to the booth seat and leaned against the wall. "I don't know. They're a little, uh...They're a little cute for my taste."

Snake slammed his cup on the table, "That's what makes them so delicious. You're not just eating food, you're eating pure goodness." Snake held up Wolf's leftovers to emphasize his point. He tossed it behind him, "It's not about the pig. It's about what it symbolizes on a deeper level." Snake dragged the end of his tail down his throat and nodded at Wolf with a grin on his face.

"So you can... you can taste air?" Wolf pointed. Snake groaned. "What else you got?"

"Forget about it." Snake waved off.

"Wa-wa-wait. Can you also hear color?" Wolf sat down in the booth normally to question his friend. He laughed as Snake groaned. "Can you see sound?"

"All right, all right. Okay." Snake mumbled.

"Cause we should really be capitalizing on these skills."

"Okay, all right, fine. Get it all out. Get it all out now."

"Okay, okay." Wolf relented.

Snake regurgitated an alarm clock to show the time. "Look at that. 4:00 p.m. Now I know the exact moment our friendship died." Snake smirked.

Wolf chuckled and looked out the window at the bank across the street.

"Let's bounce." Wolf stood.

"Yup." Snake confirmed. He swallowed the alarm clock again and followed Wolf.

"Tastes like, uh, you're gonna stick me with the bill... again," Wolf complained.

"Well, it is my birthday."