The Final Choice

18

Why did he have to look at me like that?! Jesus, it felt like his eyes were burning straight through my soul. I didn't know if I wanted to look away, or jump into his arms. This was getting ridiculous.

Every time I thought that I was starting to relax, Colby would say something, or just look at me, and I was a giant ball of anxiety again. Unable to think, much less speak. What were we talking about?

Colby's face flushed red, then he looked away from me and nodded again. "Uh, yeah, the pool is okay. Not as awesome as the one at our last house, but it's still a nice pool. The hot tub is always a plus."

That's right. I had asked him about the pool and hot tub. How did I forget that quickly? Those damned eyes of his should be illegal. 

"Well, what are we waiting for?!" Denise exclaimed, throwing her hands up, then letting them drop to her sides. "Let's go!" Everyone laughed, except me. I was too busy twisting my damn rings and thinking about what was going to happen. 

I didn't like change, or new things. They made me too anxious. I usually ended up enjoying them, but that knowledge never too away the anxiety. 

We filed out of the room in a line, with Denise grabbing the room key and leading the way. Kat was behind her, holding Sam's hand and pulling him along with her. I followed behind them, with Colby behind me. 

I was hyperaware of this fact. I couldn't help thinking about what I looked like from behind. How stupid was that? Like, did I have fat rolls over my jeans? I should've worn a looser, larger shirt. Why did I think I could be stylish? These stupid nails kept snagging on everything and I lost 50 bucks getting them done? And for what? What good did they actually do me? 

Yeah, I might've felt more feminine for the first couple of days, but then they just became annoying. Anyone who actually had to clean, and do shit, had to find them annoying. I already wanted to pop them all off, but I knew that would hurt. I had to deal with them now. 

I sighed with annoyance and ran those stupid nails through my hair. I was starting to annoy myself with all of these useless thoughts. 

"Hey, you okay?" Colby asked, startling me. He had walked up beside me, while we made our way down the hall. "Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm good," I replied, shooting him an awkward smile. It felt so strained, just trying to talk to him. I didn't like it. 

What happened to the easy going conversations that we use to have? Over the phone, it was fine. We were fine. We were best friends. Except the last conversation. That one was a little weird and strained. 

Why couldn't we just be that way in person? Why did it feel like I'd rather be anywhere else, than here? 

No...that wasn't exactly true. I loved being near Colby. I truly did. I loved his friends. They were all so accepting of me and Denise. I just felt so...out of place. Like I was playing a game of pretend. 

Not to mention, being around Colby was keeping my anxiety at an all time high, because of how sexually attracted I was to him. I knew how amazing he was. I knew that he had the sweetest heart and soul of any man that I had ever met. Add that to the lips, the hair, the dimples, that face, and that absolutely delicious body, and I was a complete goner. 

I had to get over it though. We had tried that. It hadn't worked and it would've destroyed our friendship. That was something that I refused to lose again. I wouldn't risk it. Not even for that 'one night' that Denise kept trying to talk me into. 

I had been inside my own head, so deeply, that I was surprised when everyone stopped in front of Colby's car. He unlocked the doors, looked at Sam, nodded, then opened the passenger side door.