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Forgotten Love - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

This feedback is for the book Forgotten Love by DasiaTR. This chapter will be dedicated to the author. Forgotten Love is a fun story that knows when to hit its emotional beats. There are some heavy themes displayed through the wide variety of characters.

P.S. to author: Apparently Wattpad is aware of the message glitch. I had no idea it was a thing so I went to look it up and it's a known issue at Wattpad. My apologies for the confusion, that's a very weird glitch and I hope they get it sorted out soon.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

You do a great job at building intrigue right from the beginning. Creatively, the story has an interesting idea and equally interesting characters that keep it going. After reading chapter 1, I wanted to read more because I was invested in Ciara's character.

There are some fun moments in the dialogue. Along with that, I like how you're able to describe things using dialogue. For example, in chapter two: "'Smells just how I somewhat remember: bad cologne and too much perfume'." It's a small thing, but being able to describe places and people through dialogue in a natural and fun way adds more engagement to the story. I personally chuckled at that line.

Elijah is great. I loved his intro chapter and my heart broke at the part where... y'know, with the name. I got emotionally attached to him very quickly because of that. As the story progressed, I enjoyed his character even more and sympathized with him a lot.

I love the overall aesthetic of the book. As I kept reading, I found myself more immersed due to the graphics you used. They were really nice and they're one of the reasons why I enjoy reading on Wattpad. I enjoy seeing what authors do with their aesthetics and how they incorporate visuals into their story. It's nice to see. As much as I love actual physical books, Wattpad is special because it gives you opportunities to do stuff like this.

I enjoyed Ciara and Tia's characters. There are a lot of characters so I cannot touch on all of them otherwise this review will be longer than all of the reviews so far combined lol, but the characters all had their unique role in the story and I enjoyed how you weaved them throughout the plot.

This is a small thing, but I enjoyed the way you gave fresh life to high school. I haven't been to high school in years and it's definitely nostalgic. Sure, I'm not that old, but it's still a great feeling to see high school described again. I normally don't read stories set in high schools (or on Earth, for that matter), so this was refreshing and the way you brought the high school to life was very entertaining.

The story has plenty of emotional beats that allow us to get into it. Like the whole blood test storyline in the middle. The way you're able to bring emotional beats into the story without making it feel forced is great, and I enjoy that.

Another small thing, but the romance is handled pretty well. The couples are cute and I'm very happy for them. It's nice to have couples to cheer for while reading, especially since they're written in a cute way.

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What Didn't Work:

Dialogue, let's talk about it. The dialogue in itself is fine, it's just how it's formatted. There are unnecessary periods at the end of dialogue as well as (occasional) extra spaces at the start of dialogue.

For example:

" How are you?." he said.

The period and the extra space are not necessary.

"How are you?" he said.

That's the correct way of formatting dialogue.

I'm not quite sure what happened, but the font changes when looking into a character's mind. I saw your response to another commenter saying it was italics, but it didn't look like italics. I don't know if it's a glitch on my end, but if you are using a different font that isn't the built-in italics like this, I would suggest changing it to the normal font with built-in italics. I personally don't have anything against authors using different fonts, but just keep in mind that there is a huge community on Wattpad that uses screen readers or tts and tts/screen readers cannot pick up on those fonts. You are entitled to write the story with whatever fonts you want, but I just thought I'd throw that out there in case you didn't know tts can't pick that up. If I'm glitching and you are using italics, then completely disregard what I just said.