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Dead Weight - Detailed Feedback

Intro

Dead Weight was written by this_is_butterfly. It is a dystopian BTS fanfiction that follows Zero on her quest to be seen as something other than a monster. However, there is more to the story on Jimin's side. He is an aspiring director who is trapped by his father's influence and power—no matter what Jimin does, he'll never be good enough for his father's approval.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Okay, did you really have to go and make Jimin an aspiring film director?

Here I am, an aspiring film director and hardcore Jimin bias, and I'm reading a story about my bias wanting the same thing I do. To say I barked is an understatement. I was a whole pack of wolves during a full moon. Like, imagine the most feral pack of wolves in existence. I silenced them with the pure, raw, unhinged volume of my howls.

Anyway.

Jokes aside (haha I'm not joking), Jimin is a strong character in this book. His introduction was done well and you established clear character motivation right off the bat along with giving him relatable goals the audience can connect with. I'm not being biased (maybe I am but still) when I say he was my favorite character. It's not because he's Jimin, but because he feels the most down-to-earth and interesting to me. I'm definitely biased not in the sense that he's Jimin, but in the sense that he wants to be a filmmaker, and that's something I personally connect to.

However, Jimin isn't the only strong character in this. Yoongi and Namjoon are highlights as well. I think all the characters are good, but Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jimin stand out the most. All three of them are written well and have distinct personalities that separate them. They also have their own motivations that push and pull them in certain directions, which leads to tension since we never know what they'll do next. Particularly Namjoon.

I don't like spoiling too much about books I review since I want to encourage others to read it for themselves, so I won't go too into detail here other than to say I really liked the ending and how things wrapped up. It was clear, complete, and interesting at the same time. It's nice to read a story with a clear ending that wraps things up well.

While on the topic of endings, I thought the story was a good length. When I saw the chapter list, I expected it would take me a million years to read, but it actually didn't. The chapters are a good length and aren't overwhelming. I mean, it was only a 5 hour reading time compared to 70+ chapters, which is pretty good. It was a lot easier to read than I was expecting, and I appreciated that.

That leads me to my next point: Pacing. The pacing is pretty even throughout the story and does a good job putting plot points in motion without feeling too fast or too slow. The characters get plenty of chances to be fleshed out without feeling forced or like the plot is being put on hold for the sake of character. Everything flows well.

I like the concepts presented in this story. Since it's sci fi, there are numerous new concepts that give it the sci fi feel. I liked the idea of the Mines and the Golden City, and I also liked how Zero interacted with the world. In general, the worldbuilding did a good job setting the scene and introducing the audience to the new world you were crafting.

Overall, it's a solid sci fi story.

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What Didn't Work:

I have a brief thing to say about dialogue.

The comma should be inside the quotation marks. You put end punctuation outside, like this: 'I miss you', he said. It should be: 'I miss you,' he said.