Lizzie And Mac

Chapter 11

I'm Pretty Sure I Want To Delete Today From My Memory

Lizzie

"That douche is a fucking idiot, I swear to god he's such an asshole!" Steffi keeps repeating different versions of this statement as she Jack and Coop hustle me out of the clubhouse.

Jack just keeps repeating the word "Fuck" over and over, with surprisingly different inflections.

I'm just numb. I follow them out of the club, and to my car when Steffi gets a text from Slater.

"Mac is puking in a bathroom, Slater is gonna put him in his bedroom and then stay with him tonight. He says that Mac keeps whining and that he needs to talk to you and fix this, that he's fucked it all up." Steffi relays this while furiously texting with Slater, trying to set a plan for both Mac and me tonight, a plan which keeps us completely apart from one another, probably a really good idea.

"I'm not quite sure what I saw back there, those girls were all over him, but he didn't seem to be on them, like he used to be, like before when he was sleeping with all the club girls. But he also wasn't pushing them off either. I mean both options suck, both mean that he wasn't thinking about me, but jeez, how pathetic am I? Trying to make excuses for him? Like it's ok that he had Crystal on his lap, and Savanna of all people in his arms? Forget I said anything, he was wrong, wrong ,wrong!"

I can't stop shaking my head, running my fingers through my hair, rubbing my temples, my movements are getting more and more harsh and frantic.

Coop gently pulls my hands off my head and wraps his arms around me, running his hands up and down my back.

"Calm down Lizzie, just breathe, try and let your mind clear. We don't know what the fuck the asshole was doing today or tonight. What we saw looked pretty shitty, but we really shouldn't try to guess what happened. If he'd really been cheating, Slate would have called Steffi, Jack or me. Let me get you guys home, you and the asshole can work through this tomorrow. Mac was a total douche bag tonight, but he loves you and I don't think he would cheat on you. Slate will watch over the dumbass, and we'll stay with you guys. Come on girls, get in the car, it's fucking cold out here." Coop starts pushing us in to the truck when we hear the screeching voices of the slut sisters by the door.

"It's only a matter of time till he comes back to me Lizzie, you interrupted us earlier, but later tonight he'll be moaning my name and coming inside of me. He's bored of your playground games, times up, the clock is ticking Lizzie, tick fucking tock." Savanna and her trashy gang are standing by the clubhouse door, laughing and taunting us. As I start to get out of the car to respond, Steffi jumps out and Jack tries to pull me back.

"No Jack, Coop,  let me handle this, I've got it, let me do this by myself Steffi."

I walk around to the front of the truck, taking my time and giving my best and bitchiest model strut, holding Savannas stare the entire time. Even though I'm sick inside and my heart is racing, I am not going to let those girls know how deeply this night and Macs actions have affected me.

"Way to keep it classy Savanna. But here's the thing, if he's been with you at any time since New Years, or if you get together with him tonight or any other night, he's all yours, Savanna, Crystal or whomever. I don't want any man that will screw around behind my back. I'm not fighting you for Mac or any other guy, I'm better than that, and there's no way in hell that I'd put up with a cheater. Go for it, if it works out for you, then you've got my eternal gratitude for showing me he's not the man I thought he was."

Slowly walking back to the passenger side of the truck, I look over at the girls, their mouths are open and they're trying to figure out how to respond to me, they expected tears and drama. Laughing at the mean girls, Steffi grabs my hand and we jump in the car.

"Why do you girls have to be such bitches?" Coop asks them, they just stare back at him, not wanting to talk back to one of the brothers.

"You sure you want to drive us home Jack? They've all got their mouths hanging open, I'm sure you guys could slide something in there, they might not even notice!" Steffi is cracking herself up with this dig to her brother.

"Whatever Steffi, no girl is gonna turn down my fine fuckin ass, and they sure as hell know when I slide my dick in their mouths, they god damn choke on it!" Jack is laughing, but I do think he's wishing he was sticking his dick where Steffi just suggested.

"Go on in guys, Steffi and I are just going to go home and go to sleep anyway, and if Mac sees you with us, he'll know something went on and I don't want to talk about it with him tonight. I've got to work early tomorrow morning and I need to get some kind of sleep tonight. I've got an ungodly call hour tomorrow morning, so I'll be leaving before 6:00 am."

"Yeah, sure, you guys head home, Coop and I will hang out here."  Coop and Jack nod, but don't meet our eyes, gross.

"No worries guys, have fun, and get a rabies shot in the morning."  We back out of the driveway and head on the back road to the house, total silence in the car. Neither of us ready to dissect the evening or our emotions.

After a hot shower and a long cry, I'm in my boxers and an worn old t-shirt, I hop out of my bed and head to Steffis room. Opening the door and sliding into her bed, she looks up from her pillow, her eyes puffy and red, probably a mirror to what mine look like.

"I don't get it Lizzie, I know he's in love with you, his world revolves around you. Why would he yell at you and get so angry this morning, ignore you all day, then hang and party with those girls that have always been so mean and hateful to us? Is he really that stupid and ignorant?"

"I'm still in shock S, I'm still freaking angry about the fight this morning, I'm angry that he didn't return my calls or texts, and I honestly can't believe that he was with those girls. What do I do here? He has been so unbelievably disrespectful to me, I mean, I'm the high school girl, but he's acting like a bitchy little twit!" As we're talking, Steffis phone buzzes and I see Slaters picture come up on the screen.

"You take that Stef, I'm going to go sleep.  I have a 7:30 am call time tomorrow, so that means I have to leave the house by 6:00 am. I love you S-girl, say good night to Slate for me." I reach over and squeeze her arm, smiling as I jump out of her bed and head back over to my room. And rather than get some sweet sleep, I play back the nightmare events of the day and evening over and over.

In a way I kind of really do understand where Mac is coming from, I get that he wants to take care of me, he knows I hate my job, and I can get unhealthy from it. I love that he doesn't want me to miss out on any college experience and that he doesn't want us apart for that long, but he isn't trying to understand my point of view. I've told him that I need to feel like I can take care of myself financially, what if he isn't able to help me? I have to learn how to depend on me! Jeez, if tonight were any indication, maybe there isn't even an 'us' anymore.  Which unfortunately, totally underscores my point.  I have to know that I can take care of myself if I'm all alone in the world.

After hours of tossing and turning I finally give up on sleep, get out of bed, and go for a run. I'm not going to make it a long one, even in the mental state I'm in, I know that going for a 10 mile run at 4:00 in the morning isn't a good idea. I figure 5 miles should be enough to run some of the noise and chaos out of my head, and hopefully get to work with a calmer emotional state.

After I got home from my workout, I showered, changed and got ready to leave the house. Since I'm trying to lose 10 pounds, my run will help but that means that breakfast is definitely not in the cards for me today, so I grab a banana and a giant coffee and head out.

As I'm driving down the main road, in the distance I can see the clubhouse, that place has been both a source of happiness and joy for me, along with total freaking heartbreak.  

I know I love Mac still, but my opinion of him has changed, yesterday and last night showed me a side to him that I don't like.  A part of him, that I don't respect, and that makes me feel both sick and sad, and not very hopeful.