Vegas: Devil's Rose #9

Chapter 1: Bruce Dalton

Dedication:
happy anniversary,
my love.
thank you for showing
up for me each and
everyday.

I have known the woman I want to marry for twenty years. We met at a party, and I've known ever since that night that she was the woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I never worked up the courage to ask her out. I guess that's why she's only been one of my closest friends for twenty years rather than my wife.

I grew up in New York City, went to college in New York City (where I met Tank and June), and suddenly found myself in Texas. I never thought I was going to leave New York, much less the entire East Coast, but shit happens, and sometimes the only way to deal with it is to leave.

I couldn't be in that environment any longer and neither could Tank, so we've stuck together. June, however, well, she's a different story.

She's been fucking everywhere. After graduating with a degree in archaeology, she got her Ph.D. and is now an ethnoarchaeologist. She travels around the globe and studies people through the remains of societies. She's cool as fuck.

Anyway, even after Tank and I left New York, I couldn't bring myself to leave her. Even though she only ever thought of me as a friend, I couldn't stop myself from wanting more. I figured that eventually, she would want to be more, but I never could tell her all that she meant to me.

It's not like she's dead, so I still have a chance one day. Maybe. Unless her partner of six years decides to commit to her in the way that they both want. June wants marriage and can't get a straight answer out of him about what he wants.

And even if I didn't want to, I would be there on her wedding day if she asked. Seeing her happy means more to me than ever having to be with her. And if she's happy with that douchebag of a man she calls her boyfriend, then, I'm not going to be the one to split them apart.

Tank doesn't know I still talk to June. He doesn't know that much about her. The two of them never hung out with one another. There was never a reason for them to.

So when Tank and Carbon approached me the other day, talking about how they found June and everything, I could tell Tank felt betrayed when I told him I knew exactly where she was. I didn't mean to keep her secret.

It just never felt like I had to tell Tank about her when I know that some things don't work out in life. Telling him wouldn't have changed that. It only would have changed the way he thought about me. I would now be seen as a coward.

The only reason I'm spiraling thinking about it right now is because I'm buzzed. I fucking shouldn't be. It shouldn't be the way I cope with things, but I'm not perfect, and sometimes, I can't stop myself from sipping much-needed beer.

Okay, a little more than a sip, but I'm not driving anywhere tonight, so it's fine. If Tank or June were to see how buzzed I am, they would be concerned, but neither one of them is around, so I'm safe from them but not myself.

"Vegas!"

I snap my head in the direction of the voice calling out to me. I'm pretty sure it's Poison.

Maybe I'm drinking more than I thought I was.

"Dude, I've been calling your name for like five minutes."

"Sorry, I didn't hear you."

"I don't think I've ever seen someone staring at stale pretzels so intently before. Are you okay?" Poison asks, stepping slightly closer to me.

"Yeah, I'm good. Reminiscing about the past."

"That doesn't usually mean that you're good."

"I'm alright. What do you need?" I turn my body toward him, eyeing the newly placed wedding ring on his finger.

Dakota and him were never going to get married, but they woke up one day and wanted it. They haven't regretted it in the past couple of months. Weddings are just odd for me. I'm extremely happy for them, but I also am selfish enough to feel bad for myself.

I'm forty-one, and I still haven't found someone I want to spend my life with...someone who's available.

"What is with you tonight? I feel like I'm talking to a shell of a man."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. Tell me what's wrong," Poison demands as he lays a comforting hand on my shoulder. He's lucky I let him touch me.

"I'm just feeling sorry for myself because I can. I need to stop doing this to myself. It's not healthy for my well-being to want to think about all the regrets I have and the things that I haven't done."

"Like what? What are you missing out on?"

"A connection with a lifelong partner. Someone who I love and who loves me. That type of thing."

He tilts his head at me, playing with his fingers. I know he wants to say something, but he's nervous. He doesn't know how I will take it, and he doesn't want to offend. But he also is battling himself. Telling himself that sometimes it's best to stay quiet. The good thing about that is I know that whatever I do next and whatever I hear next is completely my choice.

"What do you have to say, Poison?"

"I say if you want June, fight for her, and if you don't want to do that, it's time to move on. You have to choose what you want. Are you going to show June that you would be a better partner than who she has now or are you going to let her go?"

That was terrible advice, but I understand where he's coming from. If I truly want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with, maybe it's time I move on from June. Maybe it's time I find someone else who I want. June is my first love, but that doesn't mean she's going to be my last.

I guess I could just be upfront with her. I could tell her everything that she means to me, that I love her, but I also don't want to put her in an awkward position with her current partner. I don't want to jeopardize a relationship that she's happy in. But if she's truly happy in it, expressing my feelings won't compromise that.

"I can't think about this right now, Poison."

He nods his head in understanding, bringing up another topic.

"I was wondering if you wanted to come into the city with me tonight."

"For what?"

"Dinner and drinks. Carbon and Bullet are coming too. Alpha wanted us to start checking out the area, expanding our presence, but we thought we would make a night out of it."

What harm could it possibly do? I mean, I need to get out. There's nothing else I would be doing on a Friday night. It would also be good to have an even number. I don't know what could happen.

"Sure, yeah. I'll be the designated driver."

"Fuck yeah. I'll let them know."

I probably should've thought this through a little more. Who fucking knows what this night is going to turn into now. Maybe one of the other guys should have been the designated driver. If anything, that would have made the three of them not do too much stupid shit together.

But I also know that I'm going to have a good time just watching them. What's going to happen is that they are going to get super drunk, start talking about their Old Ladies, and want to go home to them. Especially Carbon because he's the newest newlywed and Gabby's pregnant.

He can barely stand to be away from her for a second. He is such a worrier, and he's going to be a wonderful dad. I'm truly excited for him. A tad bit jealous but more excited than anything.

Poison walks away from me, talking excitedly on the phone with Bullet about their night, and I am sure that they are already planning the bar hopping.

Alpha trusts that Carbon and I will be able to get Poison and Bullet in the zone when they need to but that our presence won't be overbearing. Sending Reaper and Slasher would not be a good idea.

Alpha's such a good president because he's both the authority figure and knows how to play politics.

I could never do that.