Fear of Love

Chapter 30....

Wetting my lips I forced myself to talk. I could feel the others eyes on us.

"Could I borrow you for a moment?" Please say yes.

Landon was quiet for a moment, making me think he was going to say no. Just as I was about to say never mind and leave with my tail tucked between my legs, Landon nodded.

"We'll only be a second." I told the others before quickly slipping out the door before any of them could ask a question.

Landon didn't say a word as I lead him down a few doors before cautiously opening one. Peeking in to make sure it was empty I stepped in. I fiddled with the ring on my finger as Landon shut the door behind him with a click.

Silent enveloped us. I turned around to face him, my breath hitching in my throat at the sight of him. His hands were tucked into the pockets of his pants, eyes staring right at me. I didn't miss the way he looked me over, his jaw clenching as he did so.

When his eyes reached mine I could see the questions swirling in them. I could see he was holding himself back, making me be the first to talk. Before I jumping straight into it I found myself asking a surface level question.

"How are you?" Inwardly I winced at my words. Seriously Lydia?

"I'm fine." Landon's words were short.

"Oh good. I'm glad you're doing okay. Probably been busy with the wedding and Wyatt." I was rambling but I couldn't seem to stop myself.

"Lydia." Landon's voice stopped me. I closed my eyes briefly at him saying my name. He didn't call me blondie. "What do you want?" He said it in such a tired voice.

It was now or never. If I didn't tell him now I don't think I'll have another chance.

"I met Jared when I was 21 at Uni." I said, deciding to start straight from the beginning. "I was out with some friends at the local bar celebrating my birthday. He was there with his own friends from the Lacrosse team."

In my head I replayed the moment I met him. The handsome brunet who played on the lacrosse team who happened to be a year older than me.

"Somehow, I forget how, our friends started talking and hanging out. We spent that night talking in the corner of the bar for hours. I don't know what it was but we clicked. Maybe it was the easy smile or the way he seemed to listen when I talked."

I wanted to go back and shake that stupid version of myself.

"What started out as just talking turned into hanging out everyday. I would go to his lacrosse games. He would bring me coffee when I got out of class. Before I knew it we were dating."

Landon was quiet as he let me talk. Now that I was talking the words were pouring out of me.

"It didn't take me long to fall in love with him. He was everything I thought I wanted and needed. He was the ultimate boyfriend. And when I met his family it was like I was getting a shot of having something I didn't before." As I talked I moved until I was sitting on the edge of the bed in the room.

"We both graduated at the same time. He may have been a year older but he had to stay an extra year to make up for some class credit. So once we graduated the two of us moved in together. While I was working at some horrible newspaper job he was working at his parents bank.

"Things were good. Or at least I thought so. We may not have seen each other a lot thanks to work but when we did everything was fine. He would still surprise me with coffee or little gifts, and when I could I would drop by with lunch.

"One afternoon about a year into living together I went to his office to see if he wanted to go get some lunch." I looked down at my dress as I spoke, hands playing with the fabric. "Found him kissing some woman on his desk. Afterwards he apologized and apologized. Swore it was a one time thing and it meant nothing. That she came onto him and he fired her. Like a complete idiot I took him back."