A Place for You & Me ・Bucky Barnes

grief

Some days pass and Zoe's anxiety appears to have taken a back seat. She felt a little more at peace than normal and she was grateful. After much deliberation, she decides to visit Mama V with a final decision. Zoe makes it to the dance school on her day off.

"Zoe! Mija, come here." Mama V exclaims as soon as she lays eyes on Zoe. Zoe gives her a big hug.

"Hi Mama," Zoe kisses her cheek. 

"You haven't been here in a while, what brings you in?"

"Well, I thought about what you said, and I finally made a decision." Zoe takes a deep breath.

"Sí?" Mama V says with hopeful expectation. 

Zoe exhales. "I will teach."

Immediately, Mama V exclaims and squeezes Zoe. "I knew it! I knew you would say yes! Will you start today?"

"Woah, I don't think I'm ready. I need to get back into practice. Give me two weeks and then I will."

"Okay, okay. That will be fine." Mama V squeezes Zoe one more time. 

"Okay. Well, I love you. I have to get going. I will see you soon." She gives her one more kiss and leaves the school. 

As she leaves, Zoe is reminded of all the classes she took when she was younger, and her sister's face appears. Overwhelmed, she dashes out. 

~

It was already 6:23 in the evening and James had yet to hear from Zoe. He knew she wasn't working, so he wondered about her whereabouts. He decided to wait it out and not bother her. In the mean time, James was scrolling through Spotify adding songs to his personally curated playlist. He liked the idea of having a soundtrack for his life, it was fun. 

7:49. 

Still no word from Zoe. Concerned, James goes to her apartment and knocks on the door. After several minutes, there is no answer. He's worried now. He picks up his phone and calls her. They go straight to voicemail. If she wasn't at work or not at home, she could only be at the dance school. He races over to find the building empty and dark. What?  Where could she possibly be? He paced a few steps and it finally dawned on him. James decided to check one more spot. 

~

The garden was peaceful. The air was not too crisp and the sun was setting. Zoe walked through, running her hands through the different flowers and weeds that overtook the library. She could breathe. After walking around for a while, she sits on the swing bench, soaking in the sunset. She had always loved the bright colors the sunset produced. They were warm and inviting. 

James reaches the garden and sees Zoe on the swing. Relieved, he walks up and sits next to her. Zoe doesn't even flinch, she knew he would find her. They sit in silence and watch the sun set. After a while, James speaks. 

"I tried calling you."

Zoe doesn't respond. 

"Is your phone dead?"

"Yeah," Zoe replied after a few seconds. 

James sighs. "I'm not asking to know where you are 24/7, but I would like you to keep your phone charged. There's too many crazy people out here and that's too risky."

Zoe is silent. She looks down at the grass and watches army ants marching in their line. 

"I'm sorry. You're right. I didn't want you to worry, but I didn't have time to charge my phone. Today was.. rough."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Nah. Just the same old stuff."

"I don't mind to listen again."

Her chest rises and falls very slowly. She looks at him, tears in her eyes.

"I'm so tired of crying. I'm so tired of being anxious. But most of all-- I'm tired of being tired." She almost pleas these words and James falls apart. He hated seeing her in anguish and not able to do anything. Zoe continues. "My father died when I was young, it hurt but it didn't hurt too much. But when my sister died, that hurt bad. And after, my mom didn't have the strength to go on. And I'm not mad at her, but that, too, hurt a lot. She just shut down on me and I had no one. Except for Mama V. Without her, I don't know what I would have done. My sister was my best friend, and when I lost her, I lost a part of myself." She wants to cry, but her emotions have exhausted her. James sees the tiredness in her face. He doesn't say a word for a few moments. 

"You know, when I lost Steve, I felt the same way. He was best friend in the Army, we fought side by side. He was like a brother. Then I got lost, was turned into a killing machine, and was brainwashed of all of our memories together. When Steve found out I was alive, he made sure to bring me back to my real self. He went against the government to save me. He was the only one who saw me for who I really was and not who I was turned into. So, naturally, when he died, so did my best friend, so did my hope. I looked up to him, and now he's gone. He was the only one who believed in me." James exhales slowly and remembers his friend. 

"How did you move on?"

"Took some time, but I eventually remembered all the good moments we shared and instead of attaching grief to those memories, I attached joy. It helped a lot." 

Zoe nods her head. "That's a good idea." Again, her gaze goes back to the sunset. She reaches over for James' hand and holds it for a second. He squeezes it ever so slightly. 

"You hungry?" He asks.

"Yeah, haven't really eaten much today. I went to see Mama V at the school, and after that I was just a mess." 

"What did you go to the school for?"

Zoe gives a small grin. "I told her I want to teach."

"What?! That's awesome! What made you decide that?"

"You did. You're very compelling, you should be a lawyer."

James laughs. "Yeah, right. I get so nervous when speaking under pressure. Well, I'm glad you made that decision. You're gonna love it, I already know." He gives her a smile and kisses her hand. "What do you wanna eat?"

"I'm really craving some fried food. I don't care what, I just want it fried." 

"Alright, that sounds like a plan."

They get up from the bench and the sun waves them goodnight as they find a restaurant to tuck into.