Not afraid

|||Chapter 13|||

You don't always need a plan . Sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens .

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Justins pov

I was at the cemetery . It was a secluded one where it was very quiet and there was a beach close so you would hear the soothing sound of waves. Just like she wanted. She  always wanted to be at a place near the beach where it was so quiet that all she could hear were the waves. She loved the beach.

I was on my knees in front of her gravestone, Bawling my eyes out. The day she died I promised myself I would never love anyone apart from her let alone feel anything towards someone apart from her. Its been two years and I haven't broken the promise . But I don't know now. When I kissed Ariana i felt something. Something that ive only felt for her . Im scared.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didnt mean for this to happen . Rosie I miss you so much . Ive been doing so well. I dont want to move on yet. Scratch that i cant move on yet . Its too soon . " I visited her grave every weekend . I would always leave a single white rose whenever i came. Its her favorite flower in her favorite color, but as I sat here in front of her grave all my tears falling down . I dont know what to do . " I'm scared . Ive only ever felt this towards you baby . And i dont think im ready to feel it towards someone thats not you. " my head dropped .

I just sat there for an hour in silence . listening to the waves crashing up on the sand . Reminiscing on all of the memories we've made together. I started to feel a little bit tired so I decided to go home.

Once I got home I immediately plopped down on my bed. I was exhausted from crying so much. I took off my clothes and kept my boxers on. I got comfortable and finally drifted off.

dream

I was at a beach house . On a bed that surely was not my own . I got up and went down the stairs . I recognized this place. It was the beach house that I rented out when me and Rosie went on vacation to the Bahamas for spring break .

This beach house had our happiest memories together. She told me that once we finished high school she wanted to move here . I told her that whatever she wanted is what will go. I was planning to buy this beach house for us. I was planning to propose on our first day here after we moved. But since all that has happened it didn't happen. I just cant believe god had to take her. She was too happy to leave. Even in the pain she went through she had a smile and made sure others didn't worry about her and that they were living life happy.

once I got downstairs I walked out to the back porch. I saw familiar brunette hair sitting on a lawn chair. I snuck up behind her and snaked my arms around her neck and kissed her head. she laughed and told me to let go because I was crushing her. I didn't listen . I'm going to enjoy this dream while it lasts . I don't know when ill be able to see her or touch her again. This dream felt so real.

Once I was finished with my hug I picked her up and sat her on my lap. She got up and sat down in the chair next to me instead.

"why'd you get up?" I was confused . she just looked at me sympathetically. "Justin I need you to be serious with me for a second."

"Of coarse baby whatever you want." what she said shocked me .

"You need to let me go. You're in high school, about to actually start your life. It would make me so happy if you would just let go of me . I know about Ariana, please don't toy with her feelings. I know that you feel something for her, I want you to know that I support it 100%. Stop holding back because of me. And Jay , stop playing with those little girls hearts. "

I pondered for a few minutes. " Why?" I asked her.

"It hurts me to see you act like that. You never were like this. I miss seeing the good happy Justin. I love you so much that it hurts me. SO I need you to let me go and let your heart be open to a new woman that will make you happy and in love again. Give her all of your heart. And don't waste time on these childish things that you do when you're acting out. and that's all it is, you acting out because, deep down I know the real Justin, and that's the Justin I love and any other person that is close to you loves as well, even your new girlfriend will love him."

At this point my tears were freely falling and I had worry lines on my forehead. I always let my guard down around her because she was basically one of the only people who could get me to open up.

"I cant believe it. The girl who was going to be my future wife is telling me to move on. But if its what you really want then yes, if it'll make you happy then yes , it'll be hard but yes, it'll take some time but yes, but you will always be in my heart ill never forget you. I will always love you."

she smiled up at me " and ill always love you remember that. You were my first in everything. You taught me things in life , you helped me live, even though it was for a short amount of time ,but its still very important to me and it makes me happy."

I managed to stop crying a bit but I still had much more emotions in me to come out but I just wanted to enjoy this moment that I had with her instead. " Can I hug you , I don't know when ill ever dream about you again" she nodded .

After about an hour and a half we fell asleep on the lounging chair with her in my arms just the way I would want it to be. But once I woke up I found that she wasn't in my arms anymore and I wasn't in the beach house either. I was back home on my bed. and I had my mind made up on what I had to do.

Lmaoo I know yall hate me so much . but its okay I know that im a piece of shit so feel free to curse me out for being a ghost ass cunt . I was mostly reading instead of writing. Plus its summer so thats my excuse lmaoo. don't worry ill be updating more often .

plus guys fr comment more cuz idk if this is good or not when all yall do is read which im still grateful for but like.... cmon

your fave trash can ely *insert bomb cute ass hearts *