Of Monsters and Humanity: The Genesis

Chapter 25 - Xander

Fifty days before....

"That was inappropriate, out of line, and will never happen again," Balcom instructed, but his face was so oddly bogus that I couldn't take him seriously.

"Yes, sir," I said, smiling and saluting him.

"I'm serious. A lot of the staff are uncomfortable with your little episode," he continued.

"Oh, cry me a river. I was only messing around with her."

"She's the youngest intern we have here, Xander. And I feel like this goes without saying but I've never slept with her. I selected her for this internship myself, regardless to her relationship with Damian, whatever that may be. And none of that is your business. You nearly scared her half to death."

"But she's alive," I tried to reason.

"Thankfully. But we can't say that for everyone working for Project X, can we?" he asked, his brows raised and his lips tight before he stormed out of the research lab.

I sighed and looked up at the metal jaws of life above me. I was so bored and I just wanted something to drop from them.

Yesterday did get out of hand, I can admit that. I just wanted to pop the little bubble that she lived in. I wanted a reaction out of her, but most of all, I was trying to get her to admit to something.

I wasn't surprised that she didn't sleep with Balcom. She doesn't seem like the type of girl that would do that.

But I was surprised that she didn't sleep with Damian. I could gather by the way she was reacting that she didn't do that, but still, they seemed like they were a thing. She is insecure and shy, I can tell, just by the way she blushes at everything and murmurs and doesn't give eye contact. I wanted to get her to admit to something that she did, but she didn't.

And it wasn't just that she couldn't admit to anything (because she never did any of that), but I think that even if she did, I wouldn't have been able to get to her.

Like with Faye, I was able to break through his wall and get to his core, to drink off of his emotion and make him admit the things that he would never admit aloud.

But I wasn't getting anywhere with her; I couldn't break through her wall. She wouldn't let me.

She sat there as I spat at her and was horrified, but didn't say anything.

I wouldn't give up on it, though, no. It was only a matter of time before I got through to her. I want to know what resides in her mind.

Balcom can be a parent to me and scold me as much as he wants, but I won't give up. There's a reason why he put her into the program. He couldn't just drop her because I said a few things to her.

I need to get to the bottom of this....

But it needs to be before I lose my mind.

I'm still trying to stay sane, and though I thought that picking on Terra would help, it only made me feel worse. It was like putting a mirror in front of my face and making me see the monster that I am. I deny it, and I try to be self-righteous, but I've done horrible things, and I can't escape what I am.