Of Monsters and Humanity: The Genesis

Chapter 33 - Xander

Thirty-seven days before.... 

No one touched me for a few days.

Barely anyone came into the Observation or Viewing Rooms, either, not even Balcom or Byligan.

After Terra was dragged out of the Pit, they removed the bullets from my body like usual before they cleaned the Pit and gave me new clothes and fed me. The feeling that all of those events happening at the same time gave me a sickly feeling. I don't like being taken care of like this, especially at this kind of a volume.

But I know why they were doing it: because they didn't want to lose their precious Experiment X. I didn't mean much to them as a person--I was their animal, their center of Project X, their main attraction. They don't want to lose that.

Though, not going to lie, the few days I had off let my mind wander, as my body and mind were mine to have and control for the first time in a while.

I felt horrible for that night. Guilty, and selfish. Terra shouldn't have seen that, and I shouldn't have been so dramatic, but the feelings were all real.

Sure, they still all existed somewhere in my body, but the dark flame that is those feelings are cowering away at the sight of another flame of a feeling: hope. I didn't think humanity existed in this place and the longer I stayed here, the more I convinced myself that the entire outside world was just exactly like this place but on a larger scale.

Terra proved differently to me. There is good in this world.

I'm unsure of how I found it--found her--but I did and I wanted to see her again. I wanted to talk to her, and only her. I want all of the cameras to break so that they weren't able to see and record what I wanted to talk to her about. She might not understand completely, but she would try. I knew she would.

Throughout the days that they left me alone, I slept a lot. My body crashed after that night and started healing the more permanent wounds while catching up on sleep, so I was completely exhausted after each day. It was a good kind of exhaustion, though, and it made the hard floor more comfortable.

Until one day Byligan walked into the Observation Room and sat at his normal spot in the middle of the control board along the window. "We're going to have to knock you out, Xander, but only for a little bit, okay?" he asked, his voice careful like he would say something and trigger me to try to kill myself again.

"Alright," I responded.

I laid on the ground with my hands behind my head and my legs crossed, like I was in a hammock. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, imagining lying in one on a warm sunny day with a slight, cool breeze billowing through green tree leaves. God, I missed being outside.

When I woke up, I felt like I was in a dream. My face was submerged in something soft and wet, and so was the rest of my body. I got up with a start, nearly jumping ten feet high until my back hit the wall of the Pit.

Gasping with wide eyes, my gaze was met with a large four-poster bed with black sheets and pillows (one wet with drool) and bookcases standing around the walls.

Where am I? I thought. Is this some kind of sick nightmare?

Alarmed, I turned to the Observation Room to find someone who would give me more context.

But, instead of Byligan sitting in his normal spot like he was before I passed out, I saw Dr. Fahim sitting in his place.

I tilted my head to the side in confusion and walked to the window. She was sitting calm and collected, her brows raised, like she knew what was going on.

"Hey, umm--" I started, rubbing my eyes and turning to gesture towards the bed sitting in the middle of my Pit.

"One of the interns suggested you might be more comfortable with a bed and some distractions," she answered my unasked question like she rehearsed it.

I raised a brow. "You mean Terra."

She blinked. "In fact, yes, it was her."

I nodded and cracked a smile, scoffing. "Alright," I laughed, turning to walk back towards the bed and bookshelves.

"She meant well by it. If it's too much, we can take it back until you think you're ready," she said through the loudspeakers.

I spun around to look at her in the face. "No!" I said too quickly. "I mean no. They're fine."

She raised a brow and pressed her lips down.

I shrugged. "What?"

She looked down and frowned. "Nothing," she mumbled, sitting back and crossing her arms over her chest.

Already, I had her disapproval. We don't even know eachother that well and she already hates me. I shook my head but was not surprised. Of course she's disappointed in me, who isnt'?

The bookcases stood a few inches taller than me, and contained a few dozen books each. Maybe they would be willing to take suggestions, and that's why they left so much space. I wouldn't mind a few of my favorite pieces in these bookcases....

A lot of the books were medical, and that's probably because these books were collected hastily from an office in the building. That's fine. I found one on the anatomy of the human body and pulled it from its place between two other books. The cover had an image of a seemingly skinned man. I scoffed. Cute.

"She will probably be in tomorrow if you'd like to talk things through with her," Dr. Fahim interrupted by deep thought.

I nodded but didn't look up from the book as I started to flip through it. Lots of medical stuff, and lots of things to keep me preoccupied when I was thrown back in here after visiting for a while in Hell. This could be healthy for me.

I sat on the ground and started to flip through the book. Although the bed would be comfortable, I can't do it. Not yet, at least. Maybe after a little while with it sitting in the Pit, I might be more apt to use it. My body has become too used to sleeping on cold, hard floors, though.

Plus, I don't like the feeling of the mattress or pillows. It was shockingly uncomfortable, like when Terra touched me. It didn't feel right.

I need to thank her. I know that she might not be crazy about talking to me after what she saw and after I further scarred her, but I need to make sure she that she knows what she did was brave. Courageous, even. She ran into the Pit without armor or weaponry, just the clothes on her back. She came into the Pit to help me, and no one had ever done that for me.

I got lost in the book while imagining Terra reading the same one in class. We could study together, like classmates. We could figure things out together.