Count On Me

Part Eighteen

Chapter Eighteen

It was the shortest walk up a small flight of steps to the door to the apartment, but the sun that had made the snow glisten had long since disappeared, replaced by a heavy cold wind, and the distance was enough that he felt the icy cold penetrate his light coat. He knocked at the door, once...twice...then three times with no answer. So he took out the keys and opened the door himself.

It was warm inside and he breathed a sigh of relief, and then called out her name.

"Lizzie? Are you here?"

There was no answer, but her coat and boots were in the hallway. There was no sign of her in the living room, and it was almost with reluctance that he opened the bedroom door.

When he saw her he felt worse than he ever had in his life before. Probably a whole box of tissues were screwed up and scattered over the bed, and sat in the midst of that mess was Lizzie. She was wearing a strappy vest, and short pyjama shorts, but it wasn't the expanse of flesh that he hadn't expected to see that made his heart hit his mouth, but the puffy eyes from crying, the blotchy face and neck, and the sadness that wafted off her in waves. He had done this to her.

"Lizzie..." there was no point asking her how she was, or reassuring her that everything would be ok, because she was so obviously destroyed by sadness.

She closed her eyes, as if not seeing him would make him go away. He lowered himself onto the bed beside her and reached out to place a hand on her arm. She flinched, dragging herself away from him, and he hated that.

"Lizzie, talk to me...please."

She shook her head as more tears leaked from her tightly squeezed shut eyes.

"Please." Taking a tissue he dabbed at her eyes, hating the tears that fell. The gesture made her jump and her eyes flashed open.

"What are you doing?"

Lizzie's voice was hoarse from her tears, and it broke him a little bit more.

"I hate seeing you cry."

She sighed, "well stop being such a bastard then."

Her anger surprised him, but he fathered it to her sadness, "you didn't tell me. He surprised me. It's hard for me you know."

She sighed, "and what about ME? He's all I have, and he's already settled into your family, he loves you all. I'm losing him every day, and I get that. I'm trying to adjust, to let this happen."

"NO. You won't ever lose him."

She rolled her puffy eyes at him, "I will. He wants and needs a father, and the moment cropped up..."

"You could have told me, warned me..."

She shook her head, "he was blasé about it, he didn't comment...what if I told you and he hadn't said anything, rejected it or wasn't ready to deal with this." She moved off the bed, standing in front of him, and he had to fight to not take in the curves, the long legs, so much that he shouldn't look at him.

"I saw the way you were when Coop suggested doing things with Nate, you were hurt, furious...and I felt sorry for you, I wanted you to stop being so angry with me. And in thinking of you...I apparently hurt you even more."

He felt his mouth opening and closing inanely as he tried to process his thoughts, tried to find an answer. He thought back to the previous day, it had been HER and Coop that had pissed him off, the fact that his friend could make her laugh, make her seem happier than he'd seen her. Then there had been that incident where they fell in the snow...he'd almost been tempted to kiss her, and that couldn't happen. It wouldn't happen...he just had to learn to curb his libido around her for a while. Like now.