Radioactive - Book 1: Birth 🪼

Thirty-Six

A/N: I was feeling generous today. Here is a whoppingly large chap to enjoy.

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"'You should apologize to Nalak, you really hurt his feelings...'" I mock as I run the water for Javissa.
The nerve of that little imp! She has the gall to tell me that I hurt Nalak? What about the fact that he didn't even tell me he was pregnant until we were almost about to get sucked dry by a blood-albino!? And he didn't even tell me! I found out from the guy who was going to kill us! How long was he going to keep it a secret from me? Until he was pretty prominent? When he was safe in the Badlands and sends me a picture? I mean... when was he going to let me know if not for Triffin?
"Daddy?"
Seriously! How long was he going to keep it a secret from me?
"Daddy?"
It's not fair... it's just not fair...
I feel a tap on my shoulder and I jump, scaring Javissa as she stares at me.
"I'm sorry, you scared me..."
"Are you mad at the lady?"
"Not really. I'm mad at Nalak."
The water is tepid enough and I hold out my hand to Javissa.
"Here, I'll help you into the tub."
She grabs my hand and I pull her over the tub wall. She shivers at the warmth of the water and then sits down slowly. Once she's in the bottom of the tub, I begin to lather soap in a rag and start to work on one of her arms. The blood is caked on there pretty good since she should have gotten washed immediately after she was... well...
"Javissa?"
"Huh?" she asks, looking up at me expectantly.
"You... you said that you could hear people from inside of your father... I mean... how long have you been listening?"
Javissa looks away for a second and then looks at me with the eyes of someone who has heard way too much for her years.
"I don't know... I know babies can hear their parent's voices but they don't keep it in their brains but... I heard lots of stuff and one day it just decided to stay with me and I remember it all. I even remember when I felt my brother forming in my dad... I felt the bad radiation trying to kill me but the good radiation healing me, keeping me safe..."
"It must have been hard for you."
"I'm just confused."
I smile a little at her. "Well, I'll try to help as much as I can... in the meantime, I think you're going to have to have a shower instead of a bath. There's too much blood caked on you to keep the bath water clean."
She nods and I drain the tub so that I can give her a shower.

After about an hour of scrubbing and multiple rags, Javissa is finally all cleaned up and I smile as I dry her face.
"There you are..." I say softly.
She grins and wraps her arms around my neck, hugging me close.
"I love you."
"I love you too..."
"R." I look up at Nalak. "Can I talk to you for a moment?"
"Yeah... Where's Victor?"
"Asleep." He snaps. "I need to talk to you now."
"Can you wait a friggin second? I'm drying off my kid."
"She's six years old, Ramey, I'm sure she knows how to hold a towel and dry herself."
I glare at Nalak for a second but wrap Javissa up in the towel.
"Go find Waverly and see if she has something you can wear. You're both about the same height..."
Javissa runs off as Nalak closes the door to the bathroom and then locks it. I look at the lock and then look at him.
"Are you about to do something disturbing?"
"I'm wanting some privacy... Ramey, I need to know truthfully how you feel about me being pregnant."
"I'm happy for you."
"No, you're not."
"Then if you know the answers to everything why do you ask them to me?"
"Because you keep lying to me about it all! I need to know where you stand on this matter. I wish I could help you but I can't and I didn't ask to be an albino and I didn't ask to have a normal swell. I didn't steal a wish from you to get it, Ramey, but you can't go around lying to me. You can't look me in the face and tell me that everything is okay but in your heart you're harboring resentment towards me. That's not fair."
"Life isn't fucking fair, Nalak; haven't you learned that yet?" I growl.
Nalak seems taken aback by my answer and I run my fingers through my hair.
"Listen, if you want the truth –the absolute truth- then truthfully you make me want to go and die." Nalak's eyes widen. "I hate the fact that you're an albino and you get to be pregnant. You're not even a Normal and you get to have that too? I don't hate you but it sucks... It really sucks to know that the universe hates me so much that the only friend I could ever find worth a damn was an Altered and that Altered also gets to slap me in the face with a swell. It's like a constant Karma bitch slap."
Nalak seems very uneasy and I sigh.
"Nalak-"
"I'm sorry... I'm really, really sorry..." he says, barely over a whisper. "I never meant to hurt you."
"I know you didn't, that's why I've tried not to make a big deal out of it. The only way for me to forget about what it does to me is to be happy for you as much as I can. I can tell you how wonderful of a father you'll be, I can buy things for the kid, and other stuff but inside I'm dying."
Nalak bursts into tears and I walk over to him as he covers his face and embrace him. Seems he's going to be a lot like Balister was when he was pregnant, which is moody and overly emotional... I had really tried not to have this brought up in the course of conversation but somebody came and blew up their children at me...
"I'm so sorry, Ramey!" Nalak wails against my chest. "I'm so sorry! I never meant to hurt your feelings! I just... it just happened and I couldn't help it... and... and I just..."
I just smile because I know he's sorry. Nalak wasn't the type of person to just do something for the sake of being a jerk about it. I know he probably would have told me sooner or later, when he felt it was the best time. I mean, with the way I was acting earlier when he wasn't around, maybe it would have been better if he told me later. I can be a little bitch too...
"Please don't leave me behind."
"What?" I say with a laugh as I pull away from him.
He's trying to calm down so I give him some time to collect himself as he wipes his eyes and sniffles. I wait patiently as he hiccups and then looks away from me.
"It's an irrational fear..."
"Fear is fear."
"It's really not that big of a deal. I shouldn't have said anything about it, really."
"Considering I just told you one of my deepest secrets, I think you can spare me a confession too."
Nalak stays still for a moment, seeming to consider his options as he wipes the tears that still keep falling away from his cheek.
"I'm... I'm afraid that you'll abandon me... that I'll wake up and you'll just be gone... for good. Not like death or something but in the sense that you gave up on me and just left me behind because you didn't want to be around me anymore. You're like a big brother to me, R, and if you... if you abandon me for real then I don't think I could live anymore. I've lost literally everyone in my life that's worth something and if I lose you to you getting bored with me then I just... I won't fathom living anymore. I wanted to understand your feelings towards what's happening to me because I didn't want you to hate me so much that you would just leave me and never come back."
I smile and cross my arms over my chest.
"Nalak, there's a lot of people in my life who have ended up pregnant that were very important to me. I mean, my whole family (save Matt) can get pregnant and my friends all could. It's not any different to be left out of a swell. I was mad because these two kids were forced to become Lithopedians because their father was stupid and didn't want to try and keep from having kids the normal way. Now they are illegal and without parents and when they wanted someone to love them, they chose me but I'm getting yelled at for it... Waverly doesn't understand anything about the way that I feel. I get they are illegal but they didn't ask to be stunted and the fact that a kid wants me to be their dad is... it's nice."
"I know... I don't blame you for it."
I walk over to Nalak and put my hands on his shoulders.
"I'm not going to abandon you like that. Ever. We're friends until the end... well, mostly my end but-"
"Don't talk like that!" Nalak yells, putting his hands on my arms. "Don't act like you're going to die soon."
"Sorry... Have you taken your Nexenaf today?" He shakes his head. "Well that's where all the hormones are coming from. Enough of this crazy talk and let's focus on the kids and your baby. I mean, at some point we have to get to the Badlands..."
He chuckles and we leave the bathroom.