Pressure

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Day 3

"What's one thing you miss the most from Earth?" I ask. I was laying on my side facing him. 20 questions has become 'ask as many questions before the other falls asleep'. He yawns, "If we're being honest, McDonalds. I would kill for a 20 piece." He said, it was a bit muffled by his pillow though. I laughed and sighed tiredly.

"Where are you from?"

"Cuba, what was your first Halloween costume?"

"Ghost, the sheet kind. What about you?"

"I was the same thing until I was 10, a soldier."

Keith laughed quietly. "Did you ever like sports?" I smiled and shrugged, "Not really. But I liked gymnastics." Keith lifted his head and looked down at me. "Gymnastics?" He stifled a laugh. I roll my eyes and flip him off playfully. "Yeah, my big sister and our older cousins would always do gymnastics. At the time I was easy to convince to do anything, but I ended up liking it." I laugh and stare at the ceiling. Trying to remember those times in the backyard, my mama screaming at us to be careful whenever they lifted me high. "My dad took me to the circus once when I was a kid. There was this act with a man and a woman and they were on these long ribbon sheet things and I thought it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen sometimes they wouldn't even hold on and they'd just lean back with they're legs tangled into the sheet."

I smiled, "That's what I wanted to be when I was 10. I told Mama I wanted to be the beautiful woman from the circus. She made me a costume in 2 weeks." I yawned and rolled onto my side again to look at him. He was smiling, at me. Almost immediately I was blushing. I put my head down into the pillows and tried to get rid of the redness. Damn it. Keith was oddly... pretty. Just the way the dim light hit his face and the way his hair was all messy. And the way he was smiling at me, damn it. My cheeks were warm again and I was trying to shake the images of his face out of my head. The bed shifted and Keith was yawning.

I adjusted and then the room was quiet again. Keith was laying on his stomach, I could barely see his eyes from the way his hair fell over his face. He was cuddling the pillow under his head and sighing.

I decided to ask something that's bothered me for a while. "Do you think this bonding thing will work? Do you think we'll be friends after this?" Keith laughs into the pillow, "Are you joking? I'm just passing the time until we can get these cuffs off." My smile drops. I roll my eyes and flip onto my back. "Let's go to sleep." I said towards the ceiling. He opened my mouth to say something but closed it.

He rolls over and stares at the ceiling. The room was uncomfortably quiet. I inhaled deeply before sitting up and tossing my shirt and pants towards the growing pile in the corner. I rolled over and that was it. I was tired and now, annoyed. He has to ruin everything. "Lance?" He said quietly. I debated on answering, "What."

"I was... it was a joke." He said quietly. I sighed quietly, "It's fine Keith I'm just ready to go to sleep." I lied and closed my eyes tight. "I do think we could be friends, I just suck at making and keeping them." Was the last thing he said before I felt him roll over. I wasn't sure what to say, I remembered I hadn't talked to Mama yet. I sat up, "Can you get out for a second?" I ask. He nods and we get out of bed.

I sit on the floor and sigh, "Hi Mama, eso ha sido... diferente. Keith's being difficult. Something in me wants to be his friend, or at the least his acquaintance. He says he wants to be my friend as well but... sus acciones y su ambiente dicen diferente." I bite my lip, "Not having you here has been a lot harder lately. I miss you and everyone else and..." I take a deep breath and hold it a second, "And I want to cry. But I can't cry, not in front of him. I can't cry or jerk o- lo siento, Mama. And I can't help but wonder what everyone else is doing, where they are. If they're having fun. If they're having fun because it's without me..." I shut my
eyes for a moment and take an uneven breath, "It just feels like everything is building up in my head and I can't release any of the pressure. It just feels like I'm going to explode. I can't talk to him either, I can't be weak around him at all. I refuse to. Buenas noches, Mama." I wait a moment and kiss my palm before standing.

"I'm done." I say as I open the door. My eyes trained on the ground. Keith doesn't say anything and walks in, heading towards the bed. He gets into bed and rolls over, facing the opposite wall. He didn't say anything, just went to sleep. I sit in my bed staring down at my hands and listening to the settling sounds of the castle and Keith's slowing breaths.

I sigh quietly and lay back against my pillow. Staring at my ceiling. I keep taking deep breaths but I couldn't keep my lip from quivering. I slap a hand over my mouth and close my eyes while my chest shudders. I let in an uneven breath and glance over at Keith, sleeping. I let out a tiny whimper and try to catch my breath. I wipe my eyes, "Stop crying," I whisper, "Stop it."

I sniffed and stared at the ceiling, even though my eyes burned. I wiped my cheeks again and decided I should sleep. I press my palm to my chest and take in another shaky breath. Tears still fell from the corners of my eyes but I couldn't care, I couldn't stop them if I wanted to. I bet I'm the only one on board who cries like this. No one just sits up at night and cries for their mommy. It's pathetic, I'm pathetic. I always dream about being the black Paladin someday, how can I be a leader if I'm this weak.

Keith shifts and I quickly turn my head the other way and pretend to sleep. I feel him move closer and then his arm press against my side. I inhale sharply and slowly exhale, peaking over at him. Still facing the other way. I look down at his arm and smile. I wipe my face again and roll onto my side.

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