Cigarette Burns // FP Jones

Chapter Twelve

I gasped, looking down to the bathroom toilet, and then to the sink. It couldn't be. Quickly, I washed my hands, flushed the toilet, and left. I'd have to go to school today to avoid getting fined, but I looked like garbage. Bags under my eyes, skin pale, and from all the vomiting, I was half a stone lighter. My clothes seemed too baggy on me, my stomach sucked in. 
"You okay?" Jug asked as I left the bathroom, and I nodded, pulling a fake smile. 
"Fine." I told him, lying. I hadn't been worse. 

For the past fortnight, I'd been staying at FP's, Jughead and I sharing a bed. At first it was a squeeze, but after a couple of nights I'd truly felt like part of the family. Jughead and I were closer than ever, so close that in order to fit in the single bed, we spooned at night. He insisted on hiding it from Betty, and I obeyed only for the fact it wasn't anything serious, as we had both been best friends, and I was sleeping with his father. 
Whilst staying here, I'd been hiding in the shadows with the relationship, us having our time together when Jughead went to Betty's, or just out in general. We'd been fucking at least once a day, if not more, because my sex drive was so high. And I think it made him feel like a teenager again, because it had been a while since his girl would have wanted so much sex. 

And here we are, on a Tuesday morning, eating a quick breakfast of Corn Flakes, before heading to school, and FP to work. It was a plesant living arrangement, don't get me wrong, but I worried about the future. Whenever I saw someone remotely resembling James or my mother, I would feel my heart race, and my throat swell. But, I was no longer a Cole. I was now considered a Jones, and Jughead thought I was like his sister. Ironically, I would be his mother. 

"I'm leaving with Bets now, getting to the school early to advertise for the Blue and Gold." Jughead said, standing. He looked anxious about the decision, so I smiled, hoping he wouldn't feel guilty. 
"I'll get Pea to take me in, ride safe Jug." I reassured him, and he shifted uncomfortably before opening the door and leaving. Like always, FP and I would wait for the sound of his bike leaving before doing anything. It was a rule we'd agreed on, to prevent ourselves being caught. And, as we heard it, I stood up, going to FP and sitting on his lap, facing him. 
"Not long until I leave school, and we can spend more time together." I whispered, letting a finger tangle through his hair. He'd let it grow out a little, so it was shaggier. I'd liked it, but he kept insisting on getting it cut - though he still hadn't. He breathed against my lips, looking to my eyes. 
"I can't wait, baby." He told me, kissing me. I smiled. 

We hadn't discussed what we were, but I'd secretly considered him my boyfriend. I wasn't sure what he'd thought, and I didn't want to ask out of fear he wouldn't agree. Though we both cared for one another, and looked out for one another. It was sweet, and nothing bad had happened between us. I felt slightly on edge waiting for our first argument, disagreement, something. But it still hadn't happened, after a month and a half. Perhaps, it was something to be proud of, or perhaps it was something to be ashamed of. I wondered whether everything was just too perfect. 

"I gotta go now." I spoke up, and we shared a few more kisses before I finally got up . 
"I'll see you later, darlin'" He said as I left, calling Pea. He was rushing to get ready, but told me he'd get me halfway to school. I loved how loyal he was to his friends; I could always count on him. As I walked down the sidewalk, I wondered what would be in store for school today. Probably just as boring as usual, though perhaps Cheryl or Reggie would kick off. Maybe even Sweet Pea himself. 

- 

After school, we headed straight to the Wyrm, Betty too. It was somewhat nice to see her outside of school, as it seemed Jughead always had to go to her. She had opened up to the Serpents, and made my best friend happy, so I liked her. The two of them worked well together, and I appreciated that.
"Round of shots?" I asked, and my comrades cheered. Smiling, I walked to the bar, ordering six shots. I knew I shouldn't, especially considering our ages, but I did anyway. I was feeling generous. 
"Be careful with those, baby." FP came up behind me, whispering in my ear. I smiled, almost dropping my tray to hug him. Something about FP made me feel so lovey-dovey, so happy. It was amazing, yet stupid.
"I will." I replied, looking over my shoulder to shoot him a loving glance, before wondering over to the group, handing all of them a shot. 
"3, 2, 1!" All of us necked it, drinking the liquid quickly. It felt as if the alcohol immediately went to my head, causing me to laugh. 
"I love you." I whispered to Toni, and she chuckled. 
"Already?" She replied, and I jokingly punched her arm. To that, she pulled me in, kissing the top of my head. 

As time passed, I became drunker. It was one thing, drinking, and another, drinking away your sorrows. But that's what I was doing. The group all knew, but none of them had said anything until I began to feel nauseous. I'd dragged Toni into the toilets, making her hold my hair as I chucked up my lunch into the grimy bowl. 
"What's making you so sad, that you have to do this so much?" Toni asked, letting go of my hair as I sat on the floor, head against the wall. 
"I am just a sad person." I replied, though deep down I knew why. I couldn't tell her, though. Not yet, anyway. 
"Well, I'm getting Jughead to take you home. Betty probably needs to leave anyway, considering Alice would rather die than let her out past 11pm." Toni said, causing me to laugh. I stood up, stumbling out of the bathroom and outside, waiting in the cold for Jughead. Things were beginning to warm up outside, but still not enough to take off your jacket. 

When we got home, I quickly undressed, wearing one of Jughead's shirts, laying beside him. 
"Rough day?" He asked. I nodded, tears dwelling in my eyes. 
"Rough life, more like." I whispered, beginning to sob. 
"Hey, hey, what's wrong?" He questioned, turning over on his side and leaning his head upon his hand, so he could look at me. 
"I'm just a fucking mess, Jug." I told him, gulping. 
"You're not. You're strong willed, you're loved. You're like my sister." Jughead explained, causing me more discomfort. Sister. I couldn't be his sister if I was FP's girl. But how would I be his mother, only two years older than him? It was all so fucked. 
"You don't understand, Jug. You can't understand." I spilled, crying more. Jughead wrapped his free arm around my front, trying to offer some companionship to cheer my spirits. 
"What's happened? Today you've been off." He whispered, allowing me to sob into his shoulder. 
"It's so fucked, Jug. God-" I stopped myself, allowing him to pull away properly, and look at my face. His blue orbs glistened in the lamp's light, and I thought properly. For the first time all day, all year, I realised I had to tell him. He had a right to know what was happening with his best-friend. 

"If I tell you this, you have to promise me, you cannot tell anyone." I couldn't swallow, spit welled up in my throat, I thought I was going to be sick with anxiety. 
"Jasmine, you know you can tell me anything." He spoke, moving one of the hairs from my face. 
"No, this is so fucking serious, Jughead. I don't know what to do. You really can't tell anyone." I sobbed harder, not ready to admit this to him, to myself. 
"Jasmine, what is it?" He questioned. 
"I'm-" I cried louder. "I'm pregnant, Jughead." I let out, practically a whisper in contrast with my loud, aching weeps. Jughead's eyes widened at my words, mouth dropping open. 
"What?" He practically screamed, sitting up. 

I couldn't reply. The only noise I could make was sniffles, and wails. Jughead looked terrified, unable to fathom words. 
"I have to get an abortion, Jug." I told him, shaking as I too sat up. He looked over me, and I watched as his Adam's apple bobbed up and down, signalling he too had taken a hard swallow. 
"Does-does the father know?" He asked, and I shook my head. 
"He can't," I cried more. "He can't know, Jug. That's why you can't tell anyone." I explained. 
"Why don't we ask my dad-" He stood up, and I frantically grabbed his arm, pulling him back down. 
"No!" I shouted at him. "You can't tell anyone. Not Betty, not FP, no one, Jughead. Or so help you." I attempted to scare him for my own good, though I'd felt slightly at fault. He hadn't needed to know my dilemma. 
"Okay, but Jasmine, listen." He took my hands in his. "The father has a right to know. It's his child too." 

Jughead was right, but I couldn't tell him. It would ruin FP's reputation, and I knew he'd insist on keeping it. My parents would go insane. Parents. No one would support me, for they hated me, and FP was struggling as it is. He didn't need the cost of a baby on top of this. 
"I can't, Jug." I whispered, staring at the blue duvet below us. "I don't have the money for a baby, I am living with you and your father, and there's no way my parent's would take me back at all if I was pregnant." At this point, I'd began rocking back and forth. I brought up my bruised knees to my chest, arms around them tightly. I thought of having a family with FP. He wasn't the best dad to Jughead, but he'd cared about him. And that was enough to make him a good dad, in my books. 

"You're really going to abort it?" Jughead asked, placing a hand on my shoulder, before pulling me in for a hug.
"I don't want to," I said against his bare shoulder. "but I don't think I have much of a choice, Jug." I cried, letting out all of my heartbreak onto my poor friend. I wasn't sure what to do, and I thought he would. But of course, he wouldn't have known. It was stupid, an awful situation. And I didn't know how to fix it.