About That Sunday

Jessica: The Morning After.

Trigger warning.
Aftermath of rape can be difficult to describe and read. I myself am a rape victim. I did my absolute best to describe this in a painfully accurate way and still be respectful towards myself and those reading. For those of you who aren't ready to read content describing the physical and mental mindset of rape victim please skip ahead at this point. Please remember these are my thoughts and feelings and that it does not reflect the way everyone feels. Please be respectful. Healing is my ultimate goal. This book helped me heal and connected to people who have had trauma like mine. You're not alone. Thank you.

Jessica: The Morning After.

There's a moment when you first wake up where everything is okay. A moment before your mind fully wakes up and the emotions of the day flood your mind. Where what happened yesterday or what's going to happen today doesn't really matter because your body just hit the reset button.

Light was trickling in through my closed eyes. My hands roamed the bed and felt the soft silk sheets. There was a calming scent that lingered in the air that reminded me of fresh flowers.

I let out a soft sigh of relief and opened my eyes. The room was unfamiliar. The pewter walls held light and brightened the well decorated bedroom. To my left I found my clutch bag and cellphone placed at the far end of the over sized bed.

"Where am I?" I asked out loud. I wasn't much of a drinker to begin with. So the realization that I had blacked out actually embarrassed me.

When I attempted to sit up and felt pain shoot across my stomach. My fingers grabbed the silk sheets that covered my body. I lifted them and looked down in horror.

Bruises littered my abdomen. My hands traced them as my mind tried to piece together my memories of last night. Like fog on an early summer morning my memory was clouded and hazy. Across from the bed was a vanity and above it sat a mirror. I mustered the strength to stand. For some reason my entire body felt flu like. I was weak and exhausted.

My eyes traveled to the mirror and my reflection shocked me to my core. There I stood, completely naked, vulnerable and lost.

I didn't recognize the woman starring back at me. My stomach was bruised, and littered in different shades of black and blue. My thighs and wrist matched my stomach. My makeup was smeared all over my once well-groomed face and my mouth hung open in shock as my focus moved to my neck. On the left side was one solitary bruise. Adjacent from it on the right side were four smaller bruises.

Like a train wreck, the realization of what happened collided in my mind. My hands began to tremble and my legs became elastic and collapsed beneath me.

With my eyes closed tightly I tried to recall the last memory I had from last night, but there was nothing. Absolutely nothing after I stepped out of the limo with Ian.

My hands tangled in my hair as I sat on the cold tile floor. Tears escaped my eyes involuntarily as I tried to calm myself down.

I still didn't know where I was or where my dress was. In an attempt not to be so exposed I pulled the sheet off the bed and wrapped it around my newly fragile body.

'I was raped.' My mind spoke to me.

'I was raped.'

My conscious keep repeating itself over and over as I sat covered in a sheet on a foreign floor.

'You have to remember.'

'You need to remember.'

'Try and remember something Jessica.'

Behind the door there were footsteps. I felt myself tense up in anticipation of who was walking behind it.

"Please." My voice broke. "Please don't come in here." I whispered.  My hands were shaking from the pain mixed with the extremely cold floor and emotional shock.