To You I Pledge (BBC Merlin)

Chapter 16 - Other Considerations

Merlin was really beginning to wonder if Arthur had been a woman in another life, because Arthur seemed to have a definite propensity for dressing him up. Arthur spent three hours with the tailor discussing colours and matching Merlin's eyes and things that Merlin had never, ever associated with clothing before. To him clothes were simply things to keep you warm. The fact that at one point they had made him do magic so they could see what colour gold his eyes went had almost made him walk out.

At first he had thought that Arthur might be taking the piss out of him, but as the whole debacle went on and on, Merlin was finally convinced that, no, Arthur was actually serious. The whole making him into more than a servant was real and almost a mission for Arthur, so Merlin just went with it. He even let Arthur have someone cut his hair; it was getting to the point where it was a little bit on the wild side.

Arthur also seemed to be trying to educate him as fast as humanly possible and for once Merlin was listening, but he really didn't think he was going to get it all, all at once. There were things that as a manservant he had not had to take any notice of, not that he was much for protocol anyway, but it seemed that now he did. He was in the unique position of being noticeable even though he was still a servant and Arthur was pumping him full of things he needed to know.

By the second day his head was starting to spin and by the end of the week he knew more about the internal workings of Camelot than he had ever thought possible. He had always known that things were more complicated than he bothered to realise, especially the politics, but he had new respect for Arthur after having to learn so much in so little time. Of course Arthur had been brought up with all the information he was trying to pass on to Merlin so Arthur was better equipped to deal with it, but Merlin couldn't help finding most of it bizarre.

Over his time in Camelot he had thought he had picked up a lot of information, but it was nowhere near what Arthur seemed to carry around in his head. Being a bodyguard seemed to mostly consist of following Arthur around and pretending to know what he was doing when in fact he had no clue. As Arthur told him, most things were about looking like you knew what was going on rather than actually knowing all the time, so he stuck close to Arthur and did his best to absorb everything he was being taught.

When the clothes arrived he felt ridiculous, but he put them on anyway and he did his best to be what Arthur wanted him to be. He wasn't sure he really fitted the mould, but he did as well as he knew how. He had come to Camelot to be Gaius' assistant and to learn about his gifts and now he was a bodyguard and he was a bit out of his depth. He was used to saving Arthur's life, but mostly from behind things when no one was looking; it was all a bit different now that people were noticing him.

The entire time Arthur did not try to reinitiate what had almost started between them, but the curtain that was put up over the archway remained swept back the entire time and Arthur had taken to wandering into his room mostly naked in the mornings. It was a little bit confusing, but then Arthur seemed to specialise in that, so Merlin had decided to just go with things and see what happened. After all he was the one who had rather upset the whole apple cart.

His life was so different and yet so much the same in that it involved running around after Arthur that he still felt at home. However, he had not had much time to spend with Gaius given his new duties, but when he found Gwen one morning, worried about Morgana, he decided he had to go and see his mentor. He was supposedly allowed to study magic under Gaius' watchful eye, but so far he'd had no time to even try.

"Gaius," he said as he walked into his mentor's work room.

"Merlin," Gaius greeted with a bright smile, "how pleasant to see you."

He gave Gaius a smile, but he wasn't really in a cheerful mood.

"Do you have time to talk?" he asked, carefully closing the door.

"Of course," Gaius replied, seeming to realise he had come with a purpose, "what is it you need to talk about?"

Merlin wandered into the room, thinking about what had been weighing on his mind.

"Morgana," he said simply and Gaius' face took on a knowing look.

"Ah, I see," Gaius told him and Merlin had the distinct impression that his mentor was not surprised by it.

Since he had followed his instincts and pledged himself to Arthur, Merlin had begun to realise that his instincts tended to serve him well. At least instincts driven by certain things and his were telling him things now.

"I think she needs my help," he revealed, picking up a bottle from the bench and reading the label absently.

"Two magical people in his court will be more than Uther can stand," Gaius told him in a very sagely manner and he turned to look at his mentor.

He nodded; he realised that.

"I know," he acknowledged, "at least for now, but I think I have to help her anyway, in secret. I'm not a seer, Gaius, not like Morgana is, but I feel things sometimes and I feel this. I feel as if we are running out of time."

Gaius was looking at him very seriously now, but he couldn't explain it any more. It was the invisible hand moving the pieces on the game board of his life and he only glimpsed it in the periphery of his mind.

"Then I would suggest you do as you feel you must," Gaius finally told him, "but that is not all, is it? I know you, Merlin and you would have already gone to Morgana if that was all it was."

Merlin smiled a little at that; Gaius did know him very well. The smile didn't last long, though, as his reasons for being there filled his head again.

"I cannot keep it from Arthur," he said, since that was his quandary. "If I help Morgana, I must tell him. I promised him no more secrets about magic and I believe he needs to know."

"It is not your secret, Merlin," Gaius told him in his usual calm tones.

"But it is," he replied, going over his reasoning in his head, "if I help it is my secret. I know I have no right to tell anyone, but if I help I have to. Gaius, I don't know what to do."

He had been thinking about it all day and still had no solution. There was a need, he could feel it, but he also knew how precious a secret could be. Gaius gave him a fond smile and he had a sudden notion he was being an idiot.

"Talk to her," Gaius said simply. "Merlin, not everything is for us to decide; this must be Morgana's choice. Let her know that you understand and are willing to help, but that your help is offered with one condition. Let Morgana decide."

Merlin decided that he had definitely been an idiot as he took in Gaius' words. He had been so worried about the feeling tickling the back of his mind that he had forgotten the obvious. Suddenly it didn't seem so impossible, actually it didn't seem impossible at all and he smiled.

"Thank you, Gaius," he said and gave his mentor a quick hug, "you're a genius."

That made Gaius laugh.

"Just older and a bit wiser, My Boy, that's all," he heard Gaius say as he dashed out the door.

He needed to find Gwen; Gwen could help him see Morgana.