꧁𝕃𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝕐𝕠𝕦 𝔽𝕠𝕣𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 || 𝔻𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕒𝕟𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕡𝕒 𝕊𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕒𝕣𝕚𝕠𝕤꧂

✿I̫̫m̫̫p̫̫o̫̫r̫̫t̫̫a̫̫n̫̫t̫̫ ̫̫A̫̫/̫̫N̫̫:̫̫ ̫̫P̫̫l̫̫e̫̫a̫̫s̫̫e̫̫ ̫̫r̫̫e̫̫a̫̫d̫̫✿

Ok...

So I'll be leaving Wattpad for a little bit, or chapters will come out way slower.

I'm a fuck up. I keep failing math, and there is nothing I can really do...

Once I get the test, I freak out, my anxiety kicks in, as well as stress, and I forget everything... I can't tell my parents because they'll start playing 1000 questions, and if they do that, I will have a complete breakdown right in front of them, screaming and all.

Exams are coming up, and if I don't study until I have cancer, then I won't pass 8th grade...

I can't even tell my parents that I'm stress from them saying "we went through all of this to register you to a "nice" highschool!" Or "what will we do now? Pay a fucking $2000 to send you to summer school, or a whole 'nother $5000+ to send you back to that shit show of a school?" Or worse of all, "I finally thought we would get away from that hell. WELL I GUESS NOT!"

The second I tell them, they will feel obliged to spend more money to take me back to therapy, on top of the shit load of money they will already have to spend to get me to my graduation, in which I probably won't have!!!

You have no idea how much I want to overdose on my medication again, how much I want to re open all of the cuts that just healed, or how much I just want to hang myself. Yet, if I do that, people might be "sad" for losing a, "valuable life", and it would be more of a waste of my parents money to have an ACTUAL funeral...

I keep trying to help others as much as I can, but how the hell can I when I can't even help myself... when I don't even know how to breath properly!? I've worked with so many depressed people, so many people who have tried, and even succeeded in committing suicide, that I feel like shit for helping, because I probably made it worse...

I've had to keep a straight face while helping people, to stop myself from crying, to make sure people don't know, that the only emotions I feel now are fear, anger, sadness, and confusion...

It's gotten to the point of where even a fucking twig snapping in front of my will make me scream, or where death leaves me unfazed, and just... I'm a puppet...

All I can do at this point is let others control me... because if I control myself, I'll guide myself back to overdosing on my asthma medication, or off a roof while at school...

I'm sorry... I just can't... idk when I'll be back... hopefully soon...

I'm so sorry if I don't come back...

Edit: everything is good! I'm ok, life is ok. I passed 8th grade with flying colors in everything but math. With math I passed with safe colors. I also said "FUCK YOU!!!" To the school while leaving by quietly whisper screaming "I'M GAY BITCH FUCK YOU!!!"