The Secrets of Cedar Creek

20 : It's Not About Us

"Rose, you scared me half to death. Don't ever do that again," Avalon seems annoyed – which she doesn't get very often. She avoids eye contact and the tone of her voice shifts to a low, quiet one.

"I'm sorry, we just needed to get this out of the way as quick as possible. Don't you want to hear what I found out?"

"No, actually, I don't. Not right now. I'm too mad to even think." She pulls out of the park and drives without looking back at me, in complete silence.

By the time we get home, the tension still hasn't lifted. I know Avalon will get over it with some space - she doesn't hold a grudge - but she has effectively made me feel guilty as sh*t.

I grumpily sigh as she pulls into my driveway. I lean over to hug her goodbye and she gives me a feelingless pat – which is better than acting like a statue, atleast. "I'll see you tomorrow, meet me in the war room – news room – at break, ok?"

"Ok," she drives away.

.

.

.

I go straight into my room and dig into Paige's diary to see if I can find any connection between her and the Den and Cliff. Why was Paige looking for Cliff? Why was she at the Den in the first place? Did Hayden just get the names wrong? Is Cliff really a drug dealer? Is Cliff... safe?

There must be some explanation. Cliff could never... he would never do that. He wouldn't...

I go through the pages to find entries around the time that Hayden saw her at the Den. Anywhere between six months to twelve months ago. I skim the Paige's looking only for Cliff's name and not any other information to confuse me. Unfortunately, Cliff is mentioned a lot – especially on squad dates where she cites his funny jokes. Or parties when we've gone to his house – which is a lot because he's always a host. Come to think of it, he is a bit loaded himself. Could he be a dealer?

That's when I find it. The entry about Cliff. The page sticks out like a sore thumb because the writing is messier, sloppier, as if she was shaking when she wrote it. Was she scared? Anxious?

My search for a resolution landed me in the Den. I wasn't all too familiar with it, but I had dropped off Hayden, on the occasion, when we were together. That was when I saw my friend: Cliff. It took me off guard seeing him in a place like this; a place so dirty and foul. I couldn't confront him – I was stunned. So I followed him through the shadows and darkness. I was appalled by what I saw, wholeheartedly outraged and disappointed. I watched him give packages to children who seemed little than twelve years old, I watched him manage the "customers" who had not paid in time. I was shocked at his cruelty and naivety. How could my loving friend treat people in this way?

A swelling of anxiety in my chest is growing. I find myself cringing as I read, completely taken aback and consumed by this confusion. No, this can't be true. I know Cliff's family. I know his mum, his beautiful Serbian mother, who speaks little English but is full of love and bubbliness. Does she know about this? Does anyone know about this? If anyone did, it would be May. May's the only one he might trust with anything. But I couldn't ask her and risk exposing him. Would that put me in danger? Did Paige get caught spying on him? Did Cliff have anything to do with...? No... no, never. No... F*ck.

I come to the conclusion that the best thing to do now is sleep off the worry and get Avalon's advice tomorrow. I feel myself drifting to sleep with the worry and fear fresh in my mind. I toss and turn, like the anxiety in my stomach, until I snap awake. The figure is there, standing at the edge of my bed. The tall figure, slightly hunched. I see the belt hanging from his hand. I scream and scream and scream.

And then I'm awake and the figure is gone and my breath is fast and my heart is beating too loud and my throat hurts and is small and is scratchy.

But within seconds I've fallen back to sleep.

.

.

.

When I wake up, the room is warmer than usual. I'm hot and sweaty under the sheets and I throw them off me and wipe the sweat from my forehead. I turn to my bedside table and see my alarm clock. F*ck I slept through my alarm!

I jump in and out of the shower, throw my clothes on and sprint out of the house. I should make it to school before break, with enough time to meet with Avalon.

.

.

.

I head straight to the war room as the bell rings for break and students fill the hallways. I duck into the room like an underground bunker to protect me from the raids, hoping to avoid being caught by teachers or-

"Where were you last night?"

I whip around to see Sylv sitting on a desk in the centre of the room. His white t-shirt hangs from his figure, showing a faint outline of muscle. Too familiar. He always does this to me, making my heart beat fast and heavy, my mouth dry, a familiar hunger.

Don't speak to him, unless I have to.

"I went out," I say, pressing my lips together and walking straight to the whiteboard. "Not that it's any of your business." I turn my back, writing up a timeline for Paige. I hear him shifting behind me.

He huffs. "So Paige isn't my business?"

I grumble. "Who told you about that?"

"Avalon. And don't get mad at her because she told me about what you put her through. Why are you so stupid, Rose?"

"I did what I had to do," I turn around and put my hands on my hips.

"God, Rose, you shouldn't... why didn't you tell me?" he asks.

I stop for a moment and think. I'm not trying to solve this for myself. I'm not doing it to look like a hero or take credit. I'm doing it for me, I'm doing it for Sylv and I'm doing it for Avalon. For everyone who loves Paige. For closure. For justice. For Paige. But she was his girlfriend. I should have brought him, but I didn't because I'm selfish and have no self-control. But I won't tell him that.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me – I can't believe you went there alone. Alone. Do you know how unsafe that is? Something could have happened to you, someone could have hurt you. Or Avalon. God, Rose, you're so stupid sometimes." He shakes his head exasperatedly.

I look down, unable to watch him.

"I don't care if you hate me right now, but you have to tell me when it's about Paige, ok? Because it's about Paige, it's not about us. We can't make it about us."

"I'm sorry," I choke out, still starring at the ground.

"You need to promise me that you're not going to do that again."

"I promise."

He lifts his pinkie, and I hesitantly reach forward with mine. Don't touch him, unless I have to.

Our fingers intertwine as we make the promise. I watch our hands, then look up at him, back at our hands, back up to him. He seems a mixture of frustration and disappointment and relief.

Don't be alone –

________________________________

sorry! i know it's a late update - but i promise i'm working on it.

love y'all, keep reading!

comment any ideas you have - i'm keen to hear them  ;)

also, do y'all like Sylv? coz i do.... >:)