Finding Forever (Tom Hiddleston Fanfiction)

Me

Yes. That was me. The girl with the regrets. The millions and millions of regrets that I can't change. I can't take anything in my life back. Not one single thing.

Not my Dad, and the horrible things I said to him. Not John, and the 7 wasted years of my life with him. Nothing.

And all the time, as I thought about my sick, twisted past, I'd think of the analogy that Tom explained to me. The light at the end of the tunnel. That was the only thing I could see when I closed my eyes. The only thing I could hope for.

The tunnel represented my life. Every regret I had in my life, made it darker and darker inside of this tunnel. Dark enough so that you couldn't see anything. Just a black abyss. I'd reach my hand out in front of me, searching for a way out of this pitch black trap. I'd feel scared, angry, and tired. My life right now, was this black tunnel.

And I kept picturing in my head, a light. A light coming out of nowhere, so unexpectedly. And as I get closer and closer to this light, I forget about it all. All of my regrets become memories that can no longer hold me back. I see this bright apparition, and I keep walking towards it. And as I get close enough to it, I feel new again. That bright orb is my savior. The light engulfs the darkness of my past. It saves me from it.

I know it sounds crazy. But whenever I think of my life as this tunnel, this journey towards my light, it makes it easier. It gives me a reason to wake up each day, and go on. Just knowing that one day, my light will save me. It's the dark part right now, but my light is out there somewhere.

Although this analogy helped me, I still wasn't entirely ready to find my light just yet. I still had so much to sort out in the darkness, first. And I knew before I find my light, I'd need to fix myself. That was my number one priority.

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My mom had been staying at my house for nearly a week. She had to leave Saturday morning. It was already Thursday.

It was kind of sad to think that she had to leave in a couple of days. I really enjoyed our time together. I missed her.

Part of me wanted to just keep her here with me. But I knew that couldn't happen. We didn't have the financial stability to get a bigger apartment for the both of us. And, Two grown woman living in the same one bedroom apartment. That's a war, waiting to happen.

Tom and I have talked every night, since the night I told him about my father. We'd talk on the phone for hours, before I went to sleep.

Tom also spent most of the week with my mother and I. He took us out to go sight seeing, and he went on walks with us. He even surprised us on Tuesday, by coming over my house and cooking dinner for us.

He began to surprise me, more and more each day. What kind of man, enjoys hanging out with an emotionally messed-up girl, and her mother? I wanted to know why. Why was he so devoted to spending time with me. Why did he want to be there for me? I don't think I'll ever understand. But I wasn't complaining. His friendship, was everything I have ever wanted. Everything I needed. I just didn't want to rely on his friendship too much, for fear of losing it. I tend to loose things in my life.

Anyways, after I got out of work Thursday night, it was just my mother and I. Tom had to make a celebrity appearance at a movie premiere in London. My mom and I decided that we'd stay in tonight, and talk. We hadn't had much of a chance to talk alone.

The best thing about my mother, was talking with her. She was like a teenager. She gossiped, she joked and she made me laugh. We talked about everything. She told me about what she was doing back home. And I told her about work.