Royally Flawsome ♛

31 ♛

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I move around the pea on my plate, the game I was playing on my plate seeming far more fascinating than the date. I sigh, every time I concentrated too much on something, a memory of his would crawl into my head, lurk there and sometimes make me smile to myself or sometimes just frown.

Get out of my head.

"Babes?" I had forgotten about him, I had forgotten that he was my potential boyfriend and Max was just a guy who clearly didn't want me around.

"Yeah babes?" What was so hard to understand?

"Are you alright?" I look at him and fake a smile. How could I tell my potential that my mind was occupied by another man in the middle of our date? A man that I wanted to so badly move on from, a man who had inflicted a mark in my life.

Logan leans in, but I lean back, he furrows his eyebrow, "whats wrong?" I fake yet another smile. There had been a lot of fake smiles lately.

"Just... I don't feel like it?" He nods, I watch as he clenches and unclenches his fist on his lap. He was mad. But for some reason my boyfriend being mad was the least of my worries.

"So we have started an organization whereby we are trying to promote fair trade. It is called trade fair, and it will be initiated on Jan-" my head snaps to the television as soon as I recognized that it was his voice. Logan says something but I dismiss it, concentrating on him particularly and not the speech he was smiling about. He looked stunning. His hair was neatly combed back leaving a single curl to fall on his forehead and dance above his left eyebrow. He laughs then shakes his head, a habit he had when something amused him. I smile a little at the thought that I knew that about him.

"I should have known," I glance at Logan and furrow my eyebrows at his sad posture. Head hanging low as he fidgeted with his finger nails, a habit he had when something bothered him. And for some reason I didn't feel as proud knowing of his habits as I did with Maximus.

"Hello? Ordering my hot boyfriend back to me," and when he looks up and smiles at me, his gorgeous smile...for a moment I forget about Max.

"Do you still miss him? You can be totally honest with me you know," he reaches over and holds my hand in his, smiles. How could I fail to fall in love with someone so honest and caring towards me. Even now when I knew I was going to break his heart , I knew he'd still wish the best for me.

"Logan, I still..." he holds my hand tighter and I nearly break down right there and then.

"Go to him," tears started streaming down my face and into my salad. I was feeling guilty. Logan has always been there for me, he had always loved me just for me to selfishly choose Max over him. He knew this was bound to happen but he didnt deserve it, no one did. I was being selfish, I used him as a rebound just to dump him on our date.

"I'm really sorry Logan," I made him a second choice. I used him as my own therapy when things were hard for me. He deserved better.

"I'm really sorry..." even though my legs were telling me to go, my heart was heavy and I wanted to stay there with him, I wanted to be his therapy.

"It wasn't meant to be, sometimes you love the wrong one to realize who is the right one for you, it's Max," The tears were blurring my vision but I nodded, sniffed and dried them on my sleeve.

"He's waiting by the window," I smile and tilt my head, "How did you know?" He pats his mouth with a handkerchief and stands up, walking towards the door and I follow him.

"Because I went to him yesterday and I told him what a big loser he was for not wanting to be with someone like you and that I will dismember his balls if he doesn't sit by that window sill and wait for you," He pushes me into his arms and sighs into my hair, I let the tears fall because it was useless holding them back anymore.

"I love you Hales but you don't belong with me, it's him you belong with and I've know that for a long time," he takes my hand into his arms and places a kiss on my forehead before squeezing me into a hug again. Letting go wasn't easy.

"It's going to be hard to love again but thank you for every moment with you," I sniff his cologne I hated, wanting to grasp it into my memories and feel even more guilty when I realize this man that loved me with all his heart that he wanted me to be with someone I loved was just going to be a memory. I look up at him, tears were gleaming in his eyes but he held a genuine smile.

"I'm okay, I'm happy for you and I wish you all the best. Now go and don't look back," He pushes the door open and I step out but I look back at him and he widens his eyes and shakes his head no which makes me release a sad laugh.

Just a memory now. I watch as he sits himself down and continues with his meal. He looked okay and for a moment I hesitated to leave him like that but he told me to not look back and that was what I was selfishly going to do.

.

I was growing impatient at how I couldn't see my apartment yet and I could swear that I was walking faster than the Flash on new years eve. I look at my watch, it was nearly two hours till a new year strikes and I was helplessly flicking the snow out of my hair as I rushed to my old apartment.

Maybe I should run?

Without fathoming the thought, I was running, my prosthesis at that moment didn't feel like it was slowing me down, it felt like a part of me and for some reason I didn't feel like the old young Hales with two legs but a whole different and happier person. I had always wanted to feel accepted, to be happy like I used to be. But as I ran with all my might, I was laughing and slowly discovering a new profound happiness. I wasn't a mutant, I was a girl struggling to discover herself slowly.

I guess new year, new me.