"Dear god, you know who ever there's above. What have I done? What have I done to deserve this?" I said to myself as I'm staring into my reflection in the mirror. "How could you make me? How could you make something so broken, and the pretend that every human is perfectly imperfect? What does that even mean?" I say to myself rather dizzy. "We are literally just objects on earth, or whatever this thing is that we are living on. And just floating through the universe. THANK YOU GOD FOR GIVING ME NOTHING." I say.
I look into the mirror, what have this come to? Me talking to myself after drinking?
You're probably wondering what happend... So after I got lsd from Mira I wanted to take it that same night but I just couldn't seem to make myself do it. So I found some liquor from my brothers friends. They had hidden a few bottles of vodka behind the bush, behind our garage. They were probably going to a party the next day or something I don't know. But I went to get some, and I didn't think I just got some. I didn't realize this would be the beginning of my ending.
"WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS? WHY GOD? I AM BEGGING YOU I AM BEGGING YOU PLEASE GIVE ME A SIGN" I yell as I break down. "I CAN'T DEAL WITH THIS! WHY IS LIFE SO HARD IT ISN'T SUPPOSED TO BE THIS HARD I FEEL LIKE I'M OUT OF MY MIND AND IT FEELS LIKE MY LIFE AIN'T MINE AND I DON'T WANNA BE ALIVE I JUST WANNA DIE" I let out sobbing loudly.
"I want you to be alive, said no one ever" I whisper to myself. All of the sudden I hear my door getting opend. "What?" I ask rather anoyed. "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WHY ARE YOU YELLING?" My dad asks with a really mad expression, I definitely woke him up from sleeping. "I'm sorry dad, I'm just lost you know aha so that so funny you know what else is funny this" I say as I stumble to my bed. "Goodnight dad" I say. My dad looks around with sadness and then he lands his eyes on the bottle. "Oh god no" he says as he puts his head down and his hands on his eyes rubbing them. "Goodnight" he says as he gave me a kiss on top of my head.
N E X T M O R N I N G
Ugh I feel so terrible, everything hurts and my throat is burning. I think to myself. And then it hit me, oh god. I can't face them. My family. It's embarrassing oh no. *knock knock
"Emily are you up?" A voice asks. I'm guessing it's Finn.
"Who is it?" I ask.
"It's me Finn, stupid I heard you put quite the show on last night for dad. Did you get drunk? Aww my little baby sister is becoming an alcoholic. Well that's one way to kill yourself and I'm okay with it. Just don't interrupt my sleep like that again." Finn says in a taunting voice.
"Finn I can expl-" I get caught off as I feel a sudden urge to puke. I run over to my door because the bathroom is right outside, I need something to puke in. Quick. I rush out the door and push Finn. I get to the toilet just in time to puke. "Oh no you didn't! Damnnnn this is definitely gonna be send to the bois" Finn says as he barely can breathe from laughing so hard. My own brother is filming me and laughing at me. Please take me out. "Stop it p-l-l-lease" I say as I slowly get up to the sink to wash my hands and face. "Well hurry up pretty girl there's breakfast" he says obviously mocking me with the "pretty girl"
I took a quick shower, and just got ready for the day. This was one of those rare mornings where the whole family were gonna have brunch. This is a very rare event in our family. This is what the intellectuals would call "to build a home"
As I got down I couldn't help but feel really nauseous. I can't believe I got drunk last night.
"Good Morning dad" I say nervously thinking about last night. "Morning" he replies back. Oh no he is definitely mad. "Ouch that hurt huh? Can the little baby take it? Or do you need a nappy?" Benji says. "Go away" I say back. "Who the hell do you think your talking to? Oh I see so you got drunk and think your a big girl now huh? Well guess the fuck again you littel bitch. You just gout yourself and beating at the party we are gonna throw tonight" he whispers to me so nobody else can hear. "Wait what do you mean? Party? Mom and dad are gon-n-n-a be home tho.." I ask back shocked. "Well.." he says as he goes. What the the hell is that supposed to mean. I go over to the table and sit down.
"Kids your dad and I have decided..." my mom let's out. "We have decided to take a little trip to get away from the stress and such. We are gonna be leaving tonight. We'll be back in 3 days. And we are leaving after breakfast" my dad finishes. "Wait are you serious? You can't do this!?" I let out really frustrated, and my brothers are just smirking to themselves over me making myself look like a fool. I look around. "They know. They know? Why do they know and not me?" I ask. "Hunny your dad and I are very disappointed with you" my mom says. "What? what's that supposed to mean?" I ask back. "Listen kid, we found this on your floor" my dad says, as he throws the lsd on the table. "Dad no I can explain I-" I got cut off. "NO EMILY WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING? AND YOU GOT DRUNK LAST NIGHT WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? YOU NEED TO STOP AND GOD SO HELP ME FOR I WILL HURT YOU" my dad yells out as he stood up. "JARED STOP THAT THIS SECOND DONT YOU DARE PUT A HAND ON HER" my mom lashed out on my dad. "FUCKING WATCH ME" he said as he went over to me. "Dad please, we can talk about this. Dad please stop. I'm scared. Pl-e-e-ease" I say as I curl up. He looks down at me, and comes very close. I can smell him. He's drunk. God. "You're the biggest disappointment in my life" he says as he slapped me, and walked of. "CLAIRE GET YOUR STUFF AND LET'S GO RIGHT NOW" my dad yells out. My mom looks up at him with tears in her eyes. She takes her back and goes out to him by the car to try and calm him down.
"What the hell just happened ?" Stiles asked in confusion. "I'm shocked woah" Finn let out.
"You take drugs now you're disgusting I hate you. Look at this your a homewrecker bitch. Boys let's go. And Emily go up to your room right now!" Daniel yells. "Guys I'm sorry I couldn't do any-" I got caught off again. "Stop. Just go." Daniel said with no emotion what so ever. He is supposed to help me. I'm hurt. Our dad just hurt me, and he doesn't care. "You know for once in my life I would like for you guys to care, to love me, to help me. All I ever wanted was loving family, but you guys keep hurting me. I have permanent scars from all of you. Did you know that? I can never forget this. I will always watch over my shoulder afraid of your guys next move. So you know what yeah you would be better off with me dead. Or even better, send me to that fucking place you guys send Stiles. Because apparently it's my fault that stiles got sent away. So please. END ME IVE HAD ENOUGH AND YES STILLES AND DANIEL I DO REMEMBER BEING RAPED" I said as tears where streaming down my face. I couldn't help it, it just came and it wouldn't stop. After that I ran up into my room and locked the door and started screaming into my pillow.
Why does life hate me?
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Hiii thank you so much for 7k readers! We are growing so fast. I'm sorry about how late this chapter came out. The past 2 days have been very traumatic in my life. Just family stuff. If anyone needs to talk I'm here. Remember it will get better. What you are feeling now is not your permanent mood for life I promise you. I hope you guys are happy :) (if your not please be happy for me, then I know I put somewhat a smile on your face) comment a :) to spread happiness just because.
Love you guys, my dms are always open❤️
Bye lovelies take care!
- Toutxoxo
