Verath the Red (Dragonwall Series #3)

Chapter 21 - Camp at Brezen

Brezen

Claire extracted what was left of herself and her mind from the battle at Squall's End. Returning to awareness was a slow process, slow and painful. Her muscles were clenched tight. Her shoulders trembled. Each breath was a painful gasp that did little to calm her churning stomach. She placed her hand against it, willing it to calm.

Death keens filled the air around her. The Drengr mourned their losses. But they didn't experience them as she had. She felt each pain like a blade to the chest, until there had been so many that the ache became constant.

Bile rose into her throat, up, up, up. "Koldis, I need to land. Now!"

Koldis dropped into a nosedive. Seconds later, she was on the ground. The other Drengr landed, maintaining formation around them. She made it a mere five steps before keeling over. She spilled her guts on the ground. Her throat burned as what little she had ingested came up. She heaved and heaved and heaved again.

Jovari was at her side a moment later, holding her hair back, whispering soothing words, rubbing her back. She hardly noticed him. Didn't hear him. Everything around her was muted by the ringing screams in her ears. All she saw was the blurry ground through her watering eyes.

She heaved until there was nothing left. Then she kept her hands on her knees, facing the ground, breathing hard.

"Here." Jovari handed her a handkerchief, summoned from gods-only-knew-where. She wiped her mouth then crumpled it in her fist, clenching tight.

Her head cleared...somewhat. Her muscles gained a measure of strength, but she was still shaking. She stood upright, looking around.

Everyone watched, the Drengr maintaining form with Riders perched in their harnesses. They waited. That they'd seen her vomiting, seen her weakness, mattered little. In fact, nothing at all mattered anymore.

"Reyr lives," she told Jovari and Koldis, offering what hope she could. As if his life made up for so many losses. Even her own telepathic words rang hollow. "The fort retreats to Brezen. We will meet them there," she added. She couldn't summon an ounce of emotion to color her voice. She was too...broken. Like she had shattered over and over with every death, with every injury, every loss.

She climbed back onto Koldis's back, strapping herself in. They returned to the sky minutes later. A few sips of water eased the clawing rawness of her throat, but it did little else.

Anger soon stabbed through the hollowness in her chest, leaving her flushed. Talon's Shields had asked too much of her. They'd taken advantage of her ability, using Reyr as a bargaining chip. They'd used her unfairly. Had she known the cost—

"You going to be okay?" Koldis asked.

"What do you think?" she snapped, glaring at his green scales. Muscles bulged beneath them every time he flapped his wings. "No, Koldis. I am not going to be okay."

"I...I am sorry. I did not know it would be—"

"Did not know?! I doubt that very much. You had no right to ask that of me. Especially after you saw what happened the first time. And especially after..." She couldn't say Hiondel's name aloud. Or Lilly's. She'd had enough. She was done. She never wanted to hear another telepathic voice, never wanted to see another projection ever, ever again. If this was the price, then it was too much.

"Claire, I really am sorry." Jovari this time. "You are right. We shouldn't have—"

"Stop talking!" she hissed. "Both of you. Just...stop."