The Pack

•Chapter 17•

•Theadora Sanford•

I gripped the blade in my hand and took breaths. Tears stained my eyes as the blade neared my wrist. I bit my tongue as the cut pierced my flesh. I watched the blood pour out and began to count. I did it every time, and I didn't know why. It was almost like counting my final moments if those were to be my final seconds. I groaned and seethed air. It was early in the morning. I didn't know how Josh would feel about this, but I couldn't explain the relief I found.

"1.... 2..." I slid my back against the door and stared at my bleeding wrist.

"Thea, are you alright?" Josh knocked on the door and shook me out of my state. "I smell blood... are you on your period?" My face heated as he mentioned my period and I couldn't think of any excuse. I didn't want to lie to Josh.

"I'll be out in a moment," I excused. He stopped knocking and I heard him walk away. Why was he up so early? I quickly grabbed a tissue to wipe away the shameful blood I shed. I rinsed the blade under the sink and ended up tripping as I rushed back to the toilet. My back landed on the cold floor and I groaned in pain.

"Thea?" Josh questioned from outside the door.

I quickly shouted, "I'm fine!" I flushed the bloody tissue down the toilet and wrapped my wrist in even more tissue. I couldn't get it to stop bleeding. I opened the door and turned off the light. "I just fell," I whispered and rushed over to the bed. Josh was crouched over the bed putting on one of his shoes. "Why are you up early?" I whispered covering my body with the blanket.

"Well," he rubbed the back of his neck. "I was going to surprise you for when you woke up, but you're already awake."

I nodded but then tilted to my head, "Surprise me? Why?"

He gave me a funny look, "It's your birthday."

Realization struck me, and I slid even farther into the bed. "Oh."

He cocked an eyebrow, "You don't seem so happy for your 17th birthday, huh, babe?" I flushed as he called me a nickname for the first time. The type of names I heard couples in the pack call one another.

"I am, it's just early. I'm quite tired," I tried to avoid the subject.

He kissed my forehead, "well, are you on your period? I can go out and grab some toiletries for you."

I felt uncomfortable as he mentioned it and pulled the covers over my head in embarrassment. "N-No, I'm not on my..." I stopped and heard him laugh in amusement. He tugged the blanket off of me and sniffed.

"Did you hurt yourself, then?" He trailed his nose to my hand and grabbed it. My eyes widened as he turned it over and saw the fresh cut on my wrist. "Thea..." He whispered in a low tone. I couldn't see his eyes, or hear the emotion in his voice. I couldn't tell if he were angry, sad, confused, or worried, or worse. I assumed he was outraged. Things like this make him mad.

"J-Josh..." I whispered.

When he looked up, I wished I could take it all back. He wasn't sad, worried, confused, or even pissed off. He was simply... disappointed. "Did you do this to yourself?" He demanded. I gulped and willed myself not to cry. I shouldn't be crying if I did this to myself. He took my silence for an answer. "Thea... why?"

I looked away, "I...I'm sorry," I whispered slowly pulling my hand away from him and cradling it against my body.

"No, Thea, tell me. I want to help you." He leaned over my fragile figure. I couldn't stand the way he spoke. It made me ashamed of myself. "I see scars from the other times," he added.

"Josh, I..." I paused and continued to not reach his gaze. "This is my life," I finally stated.

He sighed and his voice became stern, "Don't ever do this to yourself again. Do you hear me, Thea? I don't want you to be the cause of adding more scars to your precious body. I'm serious."