Faith and Lies (Vera Reid, Reid Family Book #2)

Part 18

"I'm sorry. I can't." 

Vera let out a long, heavy sigh as she leaned into the palms of her hands. She stared at the wall of her office, her eyes tracing invisible figures as she tried to distract herself from those words...

"I'm sorry. I can't." 

"UGH." She groaned in frustration, she groaned in self pity, she groaned in disgust. She hadn't been able to concentrate at all today, had read the same reports more than once, had ignored calls she should have taken, had blanked out completely during meetings. It was intolerable, it was outrageous. She really thought that she and Tom had moved forward, that they were progressing in their relationship but here she was again. 

No, now things were worse and she had to shake her head to keep herself from wanting to cry. 

It wasn't just the disappointing way that he'd rejected her that night, the night she thought they'd finally move to the next level, the level that she was much more than willing to move to. It wasn't the way he had stepped back from her, his eyes wide as he stared at her. It was everything that came after. She hadn't known what to think, she'd repeated the words back at him in barely audible tones. 

"I'm sorry... I can't... you can't?" Vera said as she sat up slowly, telling herself that she had misheard. Tom took another step away from the sofa and nodded, his eyes still scanning over her. She was a vision, even Vera knew that she had to look particularly alluring at the moment. Her shirt was completely open, one shoulder bared as the straps from her bra were pulled down. She was disheveled in a beautiful way and she could tell by the look in his eyes that he appreciated this. 

"This... can't happen." He said, turning and forcing his gaze from her. If he didn't, he might change his mind and do something he would regret. 

"This? As in us? or this as in THIS..." She said, "I need something, some clarity."

"All of it." He said, making her stiffen. 

"I don't understand. Why? I thought this was going well..." She began, shaking her head as she tried to process the words. She pulled her strap over her shoulder and wrapped her shirt around her, crossing her arms tightly and feeling a little bit like she might throw up. Just a few minutes before this man had been kissing her voraciously, how could he suddenly say it wasn't going to work. 

Tom sighed and turned, cursing himself at how pathetic she seemed now, hugging herself tightly in confusion. 

"Vera, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. It's hard to not lose control around you. You're a beautiful woman, smart and funny." He said, "But I'm not good enough for you."

"How are you not..." She began and he interrupted. 

"You're too good." He said, making her frown. 

"I'm too good?" She repeated. 

"Yes. You're too kind, and too generous, you're always thinking of others. You work two jobs because you can't bear to tell your parents you'd rather not work for them. You'd take the shirt off your back to save someone else. I don't have that, Vera. I'm not good like that and I can't deal with you always sacrificing yourself." Tom was lying. He would happily spend his days watching her endless kindness. 

"So... you're dumping me because I'm a good person?" Vera was trying to make sense of it. Any kind of sense would be fine... something.  "I'm sorry, I must be really dense because I can't see the sense in any of this."

"It's this thing you do where you want to fix everything. I can't handle that. You're not mother Theresa, you don't need to be doing all these things. It's almost obnoxious." More lies, more cruel lies. "The self righteous, save the world thing... it's not me."