chapter five

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Jeongguk walks back to the apartment alone.

Too much had happened in such a short period of time and he needed to be alone to process all of it. He had his hood up and mask on, but it seemed stupid now, because it was later than Jeongguk and thought and the normally busy city streets of Seoul were practically empty.

Trying to process things you really didn't want to process was a lot easier said than done, Jeongguk realises, as he frustratedly kicks a pebble and watches it bounce into a gutter. Although lots of things had been explained now, why that asshole was on the surface despite the fact he shouldn't have been allowed to, being one of them. But that was the smallest problem on Jeongguks mind right now — the biggest being how the fuck he was going to tell his friends that he was going back to hell when they didn't even know he was a demon in the first place.

The simplest solution was that he should just tell them he was going back to his hometown for a bit, maybe because of a sick relative? But what would happen if Jeongguk went back to hell and he couldn't come back up again? All his friends would know and think was that he disappeared, he'd be a missing person and then what? Once a demon decides they want to go to the surface and they take the test to decide whether they can or not, it's very difficult to go back down. Which was why it was such a difficult decision to make — because the likelihood of you being able to go back to hell once you were on the surface was slim. Jeongguk knew of only a few methods, and sunghoon and Byeol had just told him that they'd call in a few days when they got any more information about one of those methods and if it was actually viable (and safe) to use.

Not exactly optimistic. But then again, none of this situation was optimistic. Jeongguk wasn't confident at all in his ability of persuasion, especially not against agma.

Plus, he didn't want to see the king of hell again. Jeongguk wanted to cry just thinking about it. He didn't want to see that man. The man that made him cry and laugh and love and then feel like dying when it was all over. He didn't want to go to hell and then end up in that mans bed again because he has no other option — doesn't want to be used like that again, by anyone, lease of all him. He'd swore he'd never let himself be used like that again when he'd come to the surface, and how he was probably going to have to break that vow.

Jeongguk felt like a stupid little puppy lured into a corner to be eaten.

But he had to. For everyone's sake — he had to at least try, but again, easier said than done.

Jeongguk stuffs his hands in his pockets and frowns down at his feet, watching them hit the concrete with a thud thud thud because it keeps his mind from wandering too far away. Jeongguk looks up at the sky then, dark and ebony looking. Meant to be full of stars, but in Seoul it never was. Jeongguk keeps his eyes on stupid things until he's recognising the buildings looming over him, and he's turning into his apartments lobby.

It was late. His friends were probably already asleep, or about to fall asleep. Maybe Jeongguk could wait until morning.

He gets into the elevator and presses the buttons for the top floor, blinking up at the ceiling as the doors clank shut and the elevator starts it's ascent. He wasn't staring up at the ceiling to try and get the tears in his eyes to sink back into his face, he wasn't. His body wasn't trembling because he was scared, but because he was cold, he reminds himself as the doors open and he steps out into the hallway.

Jeongguk wasn't that much of a pussy. He was just tired and letting shit that shouldn't affect him all that much affect him, like the cold and the dust in the air making his eyes feel all stingy. That was it. Nothing more.

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