What We Become | Book Two

2. Scared

Will was a simple man. He enjoyed the consistency and stability of somewhere he knew and his home showed it in the best way. There were homely touches but not too many that he couldn't pack them up and take them somewhere else if he needed. 

The photos that lined the fireplace were the ones that had been stowed away at the bottom of bags and hidden in piles. He'd tried to hide mum like I had. We weren't ashamed of her; we just knew what she'd done and how bad it looked from an outside perspective. 

Now the secret was out, her photos smiled from the walls and mantlepiece. There weren't many but they were the only photos he had of her in the short time he'd joined the family.

Today, he wore several jumpers underneath his dark green coat as I did. The change to winter had been drastic and it had been harder than expected to find everyone warm clothes to last. There was no company of central heating to warm us anymore, only layers and blankets would get us through.

I couldn't help but notice his face seemed more sunken and dark circles cast themselves underneath his eyes.

He hadn't slept.

Again.

"What do you need?" I asked as I hovered in the living room. 

We were closer than we had been before but I still didn't feel at home there. There was too big of a gap to ignore. First mum and then Zoe and Jake. I couldn't help but look at him and see all the people that weren't here anymore.

He dragged a wrinkled hand down the side of his face. "Did you get started on this week's supply run yet?"

I shook my head, pointing a thumb toward the door. "I was just about to get started on it... Is there a problem?"

He pulled out a seat from the dining table and sat down. The dark wood creaked in the silence like an unsettling soundtrack. 

"Ben," he sighed. "I don't know how we're going to get through the rest of this winter."

"What are you talking about?" I scowled, taking a step towards the table. "You said we were prepared for this? We've been gathering supplies for weeks-"

"How do we know that we have enough?" he interrupted. "How do we know that we're prepared for every eventuality?"

"We worked it out..." I scowled, trying to determine whether he had forgotten. "We've already rationed what we've got, Will. And we've still got more supply runs to go before the worst of the weather hits. There's still time." My brows pressed further together as I watched him rest his head into his hands. "This isn't like you... What's brought all of this on?"

"Nothing," he sighed again. "I just wanted to make sure we're ready."

His gaze didn't move to meet mine and I knew what it meant. "Will..." I said, resting my hands on the back of a chair. "I know when you're lying."

His eyes were almost swimming when he looked at me. It was a look I'd only seen in him once before and something in my chest tugged.

He exhaled, rubbing his fingers against his forehead. "If I can't take care of the people here, what can I do?" he said. "What else am I good for?"

In the dull lighting of his home, Will looked older and frailer. He looked simply like a man that was struggling but would never dare to ask for help.

"You're scared?"

His blue stare met mine and the look he returned was weary and tired. "Of course I'm scared, Ben," he admitted. "The people here are counting on me. On us."

"And we'll handle it," I said. "Like we always do."

"What if it's different this time?"

He stood up, planting his hands on his hips as he looked out the window. Will was at breaking point just like everyone else but he was the one the others needed to say everything was okay. He was the one I needed to be able to believe it.

"When I found out that your mother had a son, the only thing I could think about was what you would think of me... If I was good enough-"

"Will..." I interrupted. "You know I never thought anything bad of you."

"It was the fear though," he said, turning around to face me. "I found myself shutting out everything else that seemed logical... because I didn't know the end result."

I frowned, starting to understand. "Do you think this is like that?"

"Usually, I can picture how something is going to turn out but this time... This time I can't see the end."